Perfection and Sorrow
by middaymoon69
Summary: No matter what you think life might be like, curve balls always seem to come out of no where...
1. Chapter 1

_She folded her arms as she watched the sun disappear behind the horizon, tears rolling down her cheeks. There was so much left unsaid, so much living left to do and now there was no opportunity for them to do so. Kate pushed her dishevelled hair off her face, her tear stained cheeks stinging a little with the salty spray coming off the ocean blue. The hull cut through the sea like a knife, slicing it in two as they sailed home, carrying with them misery and sorrow; hardly the best return the ship had ever seen. Slowly, she walked to the bow and watched as the stars began to speckle the sky, the silence around her, echoing her despair. The men around her didn't say a word, knowing that she wanted her silence, her solidarity, but even they couldn't stop the child crawling clumsily over and putting her small arms around her knees. _

_Kate instinctively brushed the child's hair back with her warm hand and pulled her closer, not withdrawing from her embrace. The girl had tears on her face too, but she tried to wipe them away, trying in vain to clear her cheeks. She rubbed her nose against Kate's skirt making the woman bend down and take the girl into her arms. _

"_Daddy." She said and Kate held her tightly._

"_I know you do, I miss him too." She said trying to pull herself together for the sake of the child. _

"_DADDY! DADDY! Daddy?" and Kate struggled to hold back her emotions in the face of her daughter._

"_He got hurt... he didn't want to go away, he just did." She said through gritted teeth, knowing that this child didn't understand death. "He loved you though honey; he always has and he always will, even though he's not here anymore." She said as another child walked out on deck, grabbing Kate's hand._

"_It will all be alright, I promise you that." Kate said standing up; her girl on her hip, holding the other child's hand tightly. "I'm always going to be here with you."_

"_Really mummy?" the older child asked and she nodded._

"_Always. I love you; all of you." And the tears escaped her heavy eyes as she slowly sank to sit on a bench, there on the bow by the moonlight. _

"_You miss daddy too; don't you?" the child said and she nodded, not bothering to steam the flow now that her children had seen._

"_I loved him; just as much as you do... and now I'm not going to see him again either." She sobbed. _

"_I'll look after you mummy; just like daddy told me when he went on the boat. He told me we had to look after mummy... I'll look after you and sissy..."_

"_I know honey, I know." And she stood up again, walking both of her children back into her husband's old cabin, laying them down on his rack to sleep._

"_Are they alright?" came a voice as Kate left the cabin, closing the door quietly behind her._

"_I don't know." She said, following the voice into one of the messes. "How do you cope with your father dying at such a young age..." she said sitting down, managing an old smile for her friend. "How is everyone else handling his death Niki?" she asked and the brunette put a hand over Kate's shaking her head._

"_You don't worry about that; your husband died; you've got four kids to look after now; don't worry about the crew... it's my job now. You've got bigger things to think about."_

"_I never thought this would happen; I mean, this is the navy... and he is... was... CO. It just doesn't happen."_

"_Mike wouldn't want you to fret..." Niki said and she laughed._

"_Mike was always telling me that. I was stressed and strict, he was the kids playmate." She said looking up at the photo her husband had proudly mounted in the days after their daughter's birth, his son on his knee, the older boys grinning at the camera, the parents looking down at the newborn. "He and Will would run around the back yard; running from me too whenever I came outside; and it was like their secret. And I know that Sophie loved her dad; more than I could ever understand. And then Alex and Luke... they were becoming men. They need there father here now more than ever."_

"_He loved you so much too Kate; he talked about what Alex and Luke and Will and Sophie were doing but you could see something in his face any time your name was mentioned. His face lit up and it was like magic; like you were right there with him." She said and Kate began to cry again. "I know Kate... I know." She said not bothering to try and get her to stop crying, knowing this was her hour of grief. _

_Kate stumbled back to Mike's old cabin half an hour later and she laid down, her youngest son and daughter curling around her, needing her warmth, the older boys in the navigator's cabin. Alex was twelve, already planning a future in the navy, just like his parents and his brother Luke, five years his junior idolised him, like a dog following his master. Will was four now, only a few short years away the questions, needing his father now more than ever and yet, ever time Kate looked at him, all she saw was Mike's face. Sophie turned one only a week before Mike had died and she was the blond angelic child; according to her father a 'goddess in the making'. They both clung to their sleepless mother as she ship bobbed in the water, charging soundlessly home and Kate just stared at the photos above her in Mike's rack; all pictures of her; of their wedding; of their children and drawings done by clumsy hands or sticky fingers, and the odd glowing report card from the boys. He was truly a man who loved his family… had loved his family…_


	2. Chapter 2

Mike leaned back on his rack as the HMAS Townsville sailed through the Persian Gulf, headed back home to Sydney. It had been three months since they had seen anyone apart from their own crew and Mike was desperate to see anyone; even his annoying neighbour. He looked over the photos in his rack; grateful as he did so that he wasn't on watch; his captain putting the lieutenant on watch instead. He spied a photo of an old friend of his; a woman he had met in Canberra and he instantly remembered the times they had shared. He got up and locked the door to his cabin before sitting down on his rack again, staring at her photo.

He remembered every curve of her body, every smooth part of her skin, every sacred part that he had discovered that made her gasp his name. There was a hardness in his pants and he tried to forget her, to calm the storm in his trousers but just the thought of her; the sight of her smiling face in the picture only adding fuel to the fire. He undid his belt and stroked himself, picturing Kate the whole time, seeing her do the things she had done before they had parted. He imagined her hands gently squeezing him, fondling his balls and massaging the tops of his thigh.

"Oh god, oh my god… Kate!" he said to the empty room, imagining that she had her lips over his shaft, sucking him firmly, drinking him in. "Fuck… KATIE!" he came in his hands wishing that she was there. Mike was sure that he loved her though he didn't know why or how since he had only seen for that month; and then nothing since then. She had been the only person who had completely controlled him with just a single word, and he wanted her again; he wanted the woman he had fallen in love with.

"Morning X." Mike said as he walked onto the bridge of Hamersley a year later; starting his new command and he froze, realising who exactly he was talking to. "Kate McGregor? Lt. McGregor? It's you?" he said and she nodded smiling a little.

"Good morning sir." She said and he still stared baffled at her. "I take it you still remember ADFA." Kate said and she smiled a little stronger.

"Hard to forget, isn't it." He said grinning and he lead her down to her sea cabin to talk to her further.

"I didn't know it would be you Katie." He said as she sat down on the chair, Mike taking a seat on his rack. "I honestly didn't."

"I believe you; really." She smiled, tucking her hair back behind her ear. "But we can't work together with our history." And he sighed.

"Why?" he asked and she shook her head.

"Michael we can't." Kate said and she stood up to leave.

"Kate, I think two professionals can work together." He said grabbing her hand as she went to leave.

"The last time we saw each other Michael…" and she blushed, remembering when they had met three years ago. "The last time you saw me…" and her voice dropped to a whisper. "You had your hands up my skirt and your mouth on my neck…" and she was bright red.

"And if I remember too, you were the most gorgeous woman in Canberra; and you still are." He said running his fingers over the back of her hand.

"Don't Michael, please… we both said if we ever saw each other again… we knew we couldn't resist each other… again…" but she was already melting against him again.

"I'm going to request another XO." Mike said as she looked up at him, finally catching his heart warming gaze. "Katie…" he said and he pulled her close in one quick motion, laying his lips over hers.

Kate wrapped her arms around his neck, falling against him and she moaned, parting her lips, letting his seeking tongue get access to her mouth. In the three years since they had seen each other, neither had dated much; the memory of their month together holding them over for their long personal drought. The dam was quickly breaking though and when they finally broke apart though; Kate was straddled across Mike's lap, this fingers threaded through her hair.

"I'm going to see Marshal; you are not my XO. I'll get you a spot in NAVCOM or something."

"Michael…" she said and he kissed her deeply again.

"What's your address; I'll meet you tonight… I'll take you to dinner." And she grabbed a piece of paper from his desk, scrawling it down.

"7pm Michael… meet me at 7." And she climbed off his lap, slipping out of the cabin.


	3. Chapter 3

"I had no idea that you knew Lt. McGregor." Commander Marshal said as Mike said fiddling with his cover.

"Nor did I. When I knew here; we were only on a first name basis." He said nervously. "I need you to find a replacement XO for Hamersley."

"That's not going to be easy to do; she sails in 24 hours."

"I know, but even so… when Kate and I went our separate ways… neither of us wanted to. And now that were both here in Cairns… we were hoping to pick up where we left off." He said as the commander brought up a list of potential replacements.

"There may not be a replacement for Lt. McGregor for several weeks. Do you think you could work together until we find someone new?"

"I think so…" he said and Commander Marshal nodded.

"You do understand what it pertains then, don't you? While you're on board, you cannot be involved."

"I think we can do it for a few weeks… but please find someone sir. I think I'm in love with this woman." Mike said, finally admitting it out loud.

"Ok… I'll start the search and I'll find a posting here for Lt. McGregor." And he smiled gratefully, shaking his commander's hand as he stood to leave.

"You won't regret this sir." And he turned and left.

"Kate?" Mike said as he knocked on her door and she opened it, instantly smiling at the sight of him, pulling him inside. "Katie." And he gently kissed her cheek.

"What's wrong Michael?" she said, noting that he didn't wrap his arms around her like earlier that day. "Mike?"

"There won't be a replacement for Hamersley for a couple of weeks. Marshal said we had to try and resist till there is someone else."

"Oh." She said, sitting down on the sofa.

"They'll be a position for you here when there's a replacement… but till then…"

"Mike; I can't wait that long…" Kate said staring up at him and he sat down beside her.

"I know… you're the one for me; I love you and it's going to be hard…" but he trailed off as Kate crawled onto his lap, pulling the tie on her dress, letting it fall open, showing him what he had wanted for the last three years. "Katie…" Mike groaned and she kissed him, unbuttoning his shirt, not caring what he was saying.

"Michael, I can't wait; I just can't."

"Katie…" and he put his hands around her waist, caressing the smooth skin. "We'll be discreet on Hamersley; I'm sure we can. But god… it's been too long; I haven't been with anyone in years; since you! I need you!"

"Oh god, I need you too." He said and he pushed the robe away, kissing the side of her neck as she disposed of his shirt.

Kate gasped and she threw her head back; giving him full access to her throat feeling his large hands caress her stomach. Mike stood up, Kate still wrapped around him and he carried her back to a room with a bed; weather it was her room or not he didn't know or care. "You're gorgeous Kate." He said as he ran his fingers through her hair, pulling it out of the loose bun she was wearing. "I… I…" he stammered, not able to find the words and he groaned, feeling her tug his belt, lifting his hands up the inside of her milky thighs.

"I want you Michael." Kate said breathlessly and he cut off all communication with his mouth. She undid his belt and Mike pulled her against his chest, sucking again on her neck.

Kate raked her nails over his back, leaving long red marks but it only spurred him on, pinching the back of her bra, the clasp coming undone and falling away between them. Mike pulled her legs tightly around his waist and cupped her heavy breasts, his thumbs raking over sensitive nipples, Kate crying out in pleasure. She clawed at his hair, pulling his head up to kiss him and he did so, nipping at her bottom lip, Kate moaning into his mouth. Mike ran his fingers through her hair, their touches getting desperate and Kate rubbed her sex against his aching cock; feeling it grow even through their underwear.

She untangled her legs from him after a minute and stepped back off the bed, Mike sensing something wrong and he grabbed her hand, watching as her other covered her chest.

"We don't have to do this if you don't want to." He said and she shook her head. "I'll go. I should go Kate."

"No, don't go." She begged and he looked up, seeing her smile. Slowly, she pushed her underwear off her hips and tugged at his boxers, crawling back towards him, pushing him back onto the pillows.

Kate straddled him, running her hands over his groin and he closed his eyes, breathing in sharply at the sensation. She could see he was straining and bent forward kissing the man between her legs. Mike rolled them over and she moaned as he reached between then, stroking her core, feeling her arousal drip to his fingers.

"That's so sexy." Mike whispered in her ear and she whimpered, wanting more than his hands on her.

"I need you." She begged and he captured her lips, thrusting deeply inside her.

They both moaned from the pleasure they had denied themselves from for months and months and melted into each other's embrace. Kate held her arms tightly around him as he rocked backwards and forward inside her, crying out into his mouth in ecstasy. She enveloped herself around him and moved her hips to allow him deeper access. Mike moaned in response and grabbed her hips, guiding her. He nuzzled her neck as they began to move, kissing a trail of hot kisses from her neck down to one of her breasts, taking the hard peak into his mouth, he sucked and nibbled on it before moving to the other. Kate had to fight not to scream with the pleasure of his touch. The pace of their lovemaking increased and just when she thought she would burst from pleasure she began to convulse around him. He moved faster, thrusting deeper with every entry.

She could feel him getting closer and closer to the edge, thrusting into her with all his might. She stepped over the cliff one more time and whispered his name in his ear. That was all he needed to push him over the edge and into the abyss.

He collapsed on top of her and Kate pulled him into a kiss, holding him in place atop her.

"Kate…" he breathed against her lips and she smiled, pecking his lips again. He rolled them over leaving her sprawled across his chest. "I love you Kate."

"Michael?" she said a little shocked and he looked at her, brushing her hair from her face.

"I love you Kate… Katie." And she grinned at the name he had used years ago when they had dated.

"You love me?" she asked and he nodded.

"I love you." And he kissed her lips softly.

"I love you too Michael." She admitted and he held her tightly, the two of them drifting off to sleep.


	4. Chapter 4

That had been their plan; for Kate never even to start the posting but then it all changed. They couldn't part; the shortage and their lack of enthusiasm in revealing why then wanted to be parted, meant that NAVCOM never approved the final transfer. They had argued and eventually, their personal relationship faltered, in favour of their professional one. It was a loss they both silently mourned and had regretted ever since.

"Enjoy your leave everyone; be back on board at 0900 tomorrow morning."

"Aye sir, thank you sir." The crew of HMAS Hamersley said as their captain dismissed them, he and the XO staying on board for watch and the chance to complete paperwork.

"That was good of you to let them all have the night with their families." Kate said as he walked back up onto the bridge

"They've earned it. We've been at sea for three weeks, stopping in foreign ports to resupply… and then, you and I don't really have any family here to meet up with.

"I suppose your right." She smiled, sitting down at the charts table and pulling some papers towards her.

It was the sad truth for both of them, that neither had anything in their lives beside the navy and their crew. It was their montage; feeding off each other like a surrogate asexual relationship, though they both knew what they were missing by forgoing that aspect. When they had met at ADFA… when he was her teacher, she the student… life had been so much more complicated. Mike sat down beside her and for nearly three hours, they didn't say anything, just steadily ploughing through the endless stack of papers.

"God I wish we didn't have to do this." Mike said throwing his pen down at near nine pm, five hours after they had started work. "I think we need a dinner break."

"I could do with some…" she agreed and she opened a draw where they kept a couple of take out menus for their harbour watches, putting a few on the table before them. "What do you feel like?"

"Dealer's choice. I've just got to grab something from my cabin; but go ahead and order; I'm easy." She smiled and Mike watched her as she quickly ran down the stairs.

Kate sat down on her rack looking through her draw, throwing off her camo print shirt, and pulled out her toothbrush; ever the stickler for dental hygiene. It was one of her many compulsions and she quickly flossed, wondering why on earth she was searching for time away from the man upstairs. She stared at her reflection in the mirror, her young face looking back and she pushed her hair off her brow.

"Kate?" and she jumped from the knock on her cabin door.

"Yeah?" she replied, her voice higher than usual.

"The food's here. I'll set it up in our mess." He said and she couldn't fail to notice the words… _our mess _he had said and she quickly tied her hair back again, not bothering to put her over shirt back on and she followed him down the hall, swaying a little with the gentle bobbing of their ship.

"What did you order boss?" she asked, plastering a smile over her face and he pushed a Chinese take out container towards her.

"Bit of chicken, bit of beef and a bit of pork and some green stuff. Choose your poison." He said and she opened a lid, inspecting what was inside.

"Nice; what do I owe you?"

"My shout Kate." He said, spooning some rice onto his plate and she pulled a set of chopsticks out of the bag, pulling them apart. "I could never figure out how to work those."

"It's easy, really." She smiled, showing off and he scoffed a little.

"Come on boss; you just hold one in your hand like this, the other on top and then you use your index finger to manoeuvre them." And he tried; he honestly tried to work the chopsticks, failing miserably.

"I can't go this… I'll get a fork from the galley." Mike said but Kate put a hand on his arm, stopping him and he froze, both of them looking down at her hand.

"Sorry… I ah… here…" and she took his chopsticks, folding the receipt and wedging it between them. Them Mike watched, as in a trance as she pulled her hair out of the ponytail she always wore and fashioned the elastic around the end, finally handing him the child's chopstick.

"What's this then?" he asked, playing with them.

"It's how I learnt to use them." Kate said bashfully, picking up a piece of chicken.

"Well, thank you Kate." Mike replied and he sat back down again, starting on his food. "I never thought you the geisha."

"I'm not really…" she laughed and he smiled, reaching for a remote and turning on the radio. "I guess I just pick up things easily."

"I always admired that about you Katie." He said and she looked up, hearing the name he used to call her when they were lying in bed beside each other. They both instantly knew that the boundary had been crossed; what had been threatening since they had met up again three years ago. It had been an unspoken rule that they not talk about when they had dated, knowing it would be a dam to break.

"I'm sorry." Mike said, putting the chopsticks down and Kate shook her head.

"It's alright." And she hid herself behind her food, not looking at him. They awkwardly sat, not speaking for the rest of their meal and it was a relief for Kate to privately excuse herself, claiming a shower before bed, muttering something about getting up early the next morning.

"I am sorry; really X." he said formally and she just shook her head, disappearing out of sight.


	5. Chapter 5

An hour later, Kate sat down in the ship's office, checking her emails before intending to go to bed, her hair wet, seeping through her t-shirt as she sat there. She barely noticed Mike walking in, only noticing his presence when she pushed the chair back, rolling over his foot, sending him howling and crashing into the door.

"Fuck! Shit! Damn!" he said and Kate leapt to her feet, covering her mouth.

"Sir! I'm so sorry!" she said and he bit his bottom lip, shaking his head, sitting in the newly vacated chair.

"I'll be fine…" he said and she forced his hands away from his face, seeing the cut on his brow.

"Mike, you're bleeding." She said, probing the edges and he winced a little. "We should clean that."

"Swain's not here." Mike said, blindly following her into the wardroom, feeling her push him onto the chair.

"I've done a few first aid courses." Kate said and she pulled the kit out, dabbing at his forehead with some saline on a cotton bud, making him wince again. "It's not deep."

"Can you patch it up or do we need to go to the base hospital?" he asked and she smiled.

"A bandaid will do it." She said and within a minute she had finished and her captain was no longer bleeding in front of her.

"How's your foot?" Kate asked and he wiggled his toes looking up at her.

"It's fine." He said and Kate sat down beside him, handing him two panadol and a glass of water.

"I'm so sorry about this sir… you know I didn't mean to…"

"I know, don't worry." He said and he swallowed the tablets dry.

"Sir…"

"It was just an accident." Mike insisted, laughing a little. "I'm the one that has to be more careful, not you. It's easy to spook someone on a ship this size when there are only two people on board." And he leaned back, draping his arms over the back of the chairs, his hand millimetres from Kate's shoulder.

"Do you ever think about when we were at ADFA Kate?" Mike asked after a few silent minutes and he felt her tense a little.

"I'd be lying if I said I didn't." she replied, a little above a whisper and she couldn't stop herself from leaning against him. He let his arm drop, the pretence of it resting against the chair lost as he covered her shoulder and Kate relaxed a little, sinking against him. "I remember the nights we spent together… after I joined the crew..."

"So do I Katie… so do I…" he replied, running his hand up and down her arm. "I swear… I loved you back then…"

"I loved you too Michael." She admitted and he tucked her wet hair behind her ear, their faces inching closer.

Neither one of them knew who leaned in first but their tongues duelling a few moments later spoke volumes. Mike wrapped his arms tightly around her and Kate moaned softly, grabbing fistfuls of his shirt, both of them starving for oxygen but not wanting to part.

"We can't do this; not again, not now, not again." Kate said finally breaking free and she leapt away, Mike getting to his feet.

"Are you ok Katie?" he asked as she panted and she nodded, running her fingers through her hair where it was messy from his hands. "You're right… I'm sorry, this is my fault. I guess… you were just the first woman I loved and I miss that feeling…"

"Michael, please don't make this hard for me. This is wrong… and against regulations…"

"I'm sorry Katie, I really am." And she went to leave, Mike putting out a hand to stop her, pulling her into a tight hug.

She threw caution to the wind and wrapped her arms around his neck, seeking out his lips, feeling his hard body pressed against her own. Mike lifted her up off her feet, sitting her down on the ward room table, feeling her wrap her legs around his hips. Kate groaned, his mouth affixing itself against her neck and she grabbed fistfuls of his hair, falling back down against the table, lying prone to him. "Screw the rules Katie." He said and she threw her arms around Mike's neck again and kissed him deeply.

"Michael," she said after a few moments and Kate pushed him away slightly, her hands resting against his chest but her legs still locked at her ankles, preventing him from moving.

"I'm sorry for hurting you… all those years ago" he said and he kissed the side of her neck gently, Kate closing her eyes, her heart racing.

"I need you Michael; I can't wait." She pleaded with him and he tickled the spot behind her ear with his tongue, gasping as he nipped at the skin.

Mike leaned forward and Kate lay down on the table, her wet hair fanned out around her head like a halo. She reached out and undid the buttons on his shirt, pushing the military print off his shoulders, pulling at the grey t-shirt, trying to get it off his chest. He lifted his arms and pulled it away, Kate running her fingers along his torso, feeling the rippling muscles. She sat up, her hands still trailing over his pectorals and Mike pulled her shirt off. He kissed along her jaw and she felt his dog tags tickling the hollow of her throat as she kicked her boots off. She gasped as he put his hands on her hips, unbuttoning her pants and pushing them down her legs, Kate kicking them free and he looked down at the woman he loved, knowing how gorgeous she was even though she was in the unflattering navy issue t-shirt and underwear.

Mike paused at the sight and for a minute she remembered where they were, thinking he was about to stop; but then his hands crept under the hem of her shirt, caressing the smooth skin at her stomach and cupping her breasts through the simple cotton bra. Kate sat upright and ripped her shirt off, feeling Mike burry his head between her breasts as she undid his trousers, letting them drop to the ground.

"Oh my god, I love you." He moaned, pushing her back down, capturing her lips and she felt his shaft, hard, poking into her thigh, both of them desperate. She screamed into his mouth as he pinched her nipple, his mouth fortunately muffling the sound and he reached behind her, snapping the clasp of her bra and pulling it from her chest.

"Michael," she breathed as he released her lips and he used them instead to capture her other nipple, Kate arching her back to give him better access. "Oh please, Michael!"

"I love you, so much." He purred and he pushed her simple cotton underwear aside, and slipped a finger inside her, watching her flush from head to toe, a slight shame across her face as she realised just how wet with desire she was for him. "God, that is so sexy." He whispered as he kissed a path to her breasts, suckling her again.

Kate lost herself in the feeling of his thumb over her clit and barely registered what he was saying to her. In truth she didn't care; all she wanted was the touch of him. "You, being this wet Katie… you are my fantasy, you have been for years..." But she never responded, her climax hitting her out of the blue. He had to work hard to keep himself in check as she bit his shoulder, trying not to scream when there were sailors sleeping below.

He kissed her gently as her breathing returned to normal and she held his face, not letting them part.

"Please Michael… you… I want you…" Kate whimpered, rubbing her knee against his cock, feeling him twitch at her touch, even through his shorts.

"Katie?" he asked as she twisted herself out of her underwear, dropping them to the ground and she pulled his off boxers, watching them fall to meet his pants around his ankles. She ground her hips against his and Mike pinned her hands above her head, pressing his lips firmly down across hers. Slowly, he pushed himself inside her and she stretched to accommodate him, wrapping her legs around his hips.

He paused, just holding himself inside her and Mike kissed her, delicately, like a child almost, cherishing the moment and slowly started to thrust in and out of her. Kate let out a high moan and lifted her hips at every thrust meeting him, beat for beat, a fire started in the room, neither of them wanting it to go out. Then he slowed and she furrowed her brow in confusion, still feeling him inside her, wondering why he had stopped. Mike though planted his lips over hers and she whimpered, feeling him wrapping his arms around her back.

"Michael…" she said bewildered and he carried her over to her chair, dropping into it, Kate straddling on top of him. She started riding him confidently and he held her hips, kissing her deeply so that neither of them could scream too loud. Kate felt him tighten his grip and knew that needed to come. He thrust up into her, hard for the first time and she saw stars, only acutely aware of the warmth spilling into her body. "Oh god Michael…" and she collapsed against him, there on the chair, their skin flushed, the room reeking of sex.


	6. Chapter 6

"Kate…" Mike said as they separated half an hour later, scrambling into their clothes.

"We shouldn't have… oh my god… what have we done…" Kate said frantically, holding her shirt against her chest as he handed her bra to her. "Please… I…" and she grabbed the rest of her clothes, sprinting out of the room, bolting the door of her cabin and pulling her t-shirt on to cover her still semi-naked body. She sank to the floor of her sea cabin feeling shame wash over herself. She had just slept with her boss; her captain, on their ship, in a very public room. They were wanton for each other and for those moments… she didn't care that situations were compounding against them.

An hour later, she walked back onto the bridge, her uniform impeccable and she sat down at the desk, pulling the incident reports towards her. Mike was sitting there too and she fought not to look at him, knowing she could make her melt again.

"Katie…"

"Please, don't Mike. Please." She begged and he nodded, knowing what she wanted him to do. He let them go back to their reports, and neither said a word to each other for the rest of the evening and when the crew started to come back aboard the next morning, it was a relief to have others there to disrupt the tension.

"X, can I have a word before we sail?" Mike said just before ten am, the harbour master already having cleared them to leave port.

"Sir?" she said and she followed him to the office, closing the door behind her.

"Kate… are we ok to sail… after everything that happened?"

"Sir? I'm not aware of anything that's happened." She said stiffly, folding her arms.

"Katie…"

"Commander Flynn, I have no idea what you're talking about." She reiterated and he understood what she was trying to say.

"X… are all the crew aboard?"

"They are sir." She said and she took that as her dismissal, leaving to tend to her duties.


	7. Chapter 7

A little over two months later Mike was baffled when a request crossed his desk and he called his XO into his cabin.

"I didn't know you wanted a transfer Kate?" he said as she sat down, wringing her hands. "You could have said something to me."

"It's not really something I was comfortable discussing." She said and he closed the door, some of the crew passing by as they made ready for the journey home.

"Care to tell me why you wanted a shore posting?" he asked and her words were caught in her throat. "Kate?" and her eyes darted to the door as if to check for eavesdroppers.

"It's for a personal reason sir… and medical." She said, knowing her secret would come out and this was the worst possible time, though she couldn't go back now.

"Are you sick Kate? Is something wrong?" he asked, putting the formal request letter away.

"I'm not sick as such, but I can't serve on a ship at the moment." She said, still trying in vain to be evasive.

"Katie, what's wrong." He asked and he took her hands as a few tears rolled down her cheeks. "Is there something I can do?" and she shook her head. "Please Kate, tell me how I can help you." And he brushed the tears away.

"I'm pregnant Mike." She said in a small voice and he froze momentarily.

"Am I…" he stammered and she nodded, seeing the shock etched on his face. "How long have you known!"

"About three weeks…" she whispered and he squeezed her hands tightly.

"You could have told me Kate… I could have helped…"

"How Mike. The only thing a guy needs to be there for is the beginning…"

"Stop Kate; you know I'm not like that. I'm here for you; only for you, you could have trusted me with this… If we're really… you're absolutely sure?"

"My doctor's already confirmed it." She breathed, seeing his eyes flick down to her stomach and then back up to her face.

"Have you made any decisions?" Mike asked and there was no need for an explanation; their understanding between one another paramount.

"I want to keep it… the baby… I could never…" she stammered and he stood up, pulling her into his embrace, tears breaking through and she sobbed on his shoulder. "You don't have to do anything though…"

"No." he said defiantly, holding the small woman tightly. "Our baby Katie; our responsibility. I'll be a good father to our child." And she managed a weak smile though he didn't see it.

"Can we talk more back in port? Please Michael?" and he nodded, kissing the top of her head.

"Course. Of course Katie." He promised, still not letting her go, the two seasoned officers, both trying to figure out their next step.


	8. Chapter 8

"Hi." Kate said meekly as Mike rang the doorbell at her house later that evening and she opened it up, welcoming him inside. "Everything go ok at NAVCOM?"

"Yeah. I got you your transfer too; you start as a procurement officer; making sure that all the ships are supplied with what ever is needed before patrols."

"Thanks." She said, not exactly excited at the role, but grateful to be off Hamersley at least. "Do you want something to eat or drink? I was just making myself some dinner."

"Yeah sure." He said and she served him up a bowl of her risotto, handing it to him with a fork and sitting down on the couch, both of them staring at each other in silent contemplation.

"When are you due?" Mike asked after a few moments and Kate smiled a little.

"The 11th of July." She said and she opened a book beside her, handing him the photo she used as a bookmark. "The peanut there that you can see… that's the foetus."

"That's our baby?" he asked and she nodded, seeing the smile on his face.

"Our baby." Kate smiled and she put her food aside as Mike moved to sit beside her.

"It's so small…"

"That's why it's supposed to live inside me for a few months… grow a little…" she laughed and he smiled.

"We're you scared Katie?" Mike said after a little while and she nodded honestly.

"A baby is permanent Michael… not like memories that fade… it's permanent. And we still don't know what we are to each other."

"Kate…"

"I mean… are we colleagues… friends… lovers…" she finished in a whisper and he placed a gentle kiss to her hairline.

"You know I love you Katie… I love you." Mike said and she blushed, looking at the picture still in his hands. "What would you try Kate? Because I'm willing to do whatever you want. I want to be a dad to my kid is that's what's happening..."

"Of course" she said smiling more warmly. "I'd never deny you involvement... this baby will be your son or daughter..." and he looked down at her smile, a glow on her face that he was only just noticing.

"Did you know you're glowing Katie?" he asked, still holding the photo between them.

"I didn't..." and he places a hand under her chin, making her look up.

"You look genuinely happy..." Mike added and she leaned closer to him, needing to be close to him. "Can I kiss you Katie?" and her eyes went wide. "I just mean... Well, I'm not your captain anymore..."

"I know." She breathed and he placed his other hand on the side of her face, slowly closing the distance between the two of them.

"Do you love me?" Mike asked the next morning as they lay in each other's arms, pulling the blanket around their cool bodies.

"I do Michael." She said, her head resting against his chest, the buttons of his shirt leaving a slight imprint on her cheek. "I do love you."

"Would you acknowledged me as your baby's father?" he added and she sat up a little, pushing her hair back from her face.

"That's risky Mike... I got pregnant on Hamersley, when I was under your command! It could ruin both our careers!"

"I wasn't the official captain though; just interim... and we could say that you fell pregnant before I became captain again."

"I don't want to lie..." she said, sitting up straighter and nausea over took her, Kate running to the bathroom.

"I'll talk to Commander White. She's an old friend of mine Katie... she'll understand and she won't make trouble for us; I'm positive." Mike said walking over to the bathroom door, seeing her doubled over at the toilet. "Are you alright?"

"It will pass." She said unconvinced and he sat down beside her, holding her hair back from her face.

"I'm never going to deny that this is our baby in your belly." Mike said and he kissed her forehead. "I promise nothing will happen to affect us negatively..."

"You can't guarantee that anymore Michael..." she said and he put a gentle hand on her shoulder.

"I love you Katie; we'll make it work." He promised.

Half an hour later they extracted themselves from the bathroom and Kate mumbled something about needing a shower.

"I'll get you some breakfast and then we can talk some more." Mike said and she nodded, his kiss to her catching her off guard, leaving her smiling as she found her towel. She let the hot water wash over her body and it seemed to cleanse her of her worries; her anxieties about everything; the baby, her career and most of all Michael.

"So what are we doing then Michael?" Kate asked finally coming out of her bedroom in a clean cotton dress, sitting down at the table where he had put a plate of fresh fruit and a bowl of cereal.

"I'm going to be here for you; I promise you that. Not just for the baby; for you too. I love you Kate." He said. That night that they had spent together had opened up the can of worms and there was no going back anymore.

"Do you think we should live together?" Kate voiced quietly and he sighed.

"I don't know. We've still got a lot of things to sort out."

"Can we take everything one step at a time?" she begged and he nodded, tucking her hair behind her ear for her.

"Whatever you want Katie." He said and she smiled at him; giving him a small kiss before turning to the fruit.


	9. Chapter 9

"I always thought there was something there." Maxime said as Mike told her of all that had happened over coffee. "How long have you been sleeping with her?"

"Technically we started seven years ago... at ADFA."

"She was your student?" she said shocked and Mike nodded.

"No one knows that part though." He said firmly and she nodded. "We had a relationship back then, for all of a month... and then we went our separate ways..."

"And then you got a posting together?" and he nodded. "We held off for three years but then... I love her Maxi... and now, we're having a baby together."

"Mike Flynn as a father..." she said slowly, ordering a coffee. "I take it you want me to make sure that no trouble arises from the captain impregnating his subordinate?"

"I kind of promised Kate you could." He said and she laughed.

"OK, I'll bury it for you... but we should really get to finding you your new posting. You can't stay on Hamersley forever."

"Why not? I like it there." He said like a boy being threaten with his toys being taken away.

"Because it's a Lt. Commander's job, not a Commander's. They sent me an option for you; commanding a mine hunter."

"No thanks." Mike said quickly and she looked confused. "They're not based here in Cairns; I'd be leaving Katie behind and I won't do that." He said defiantly.

"You're going to be a great father Michael." Maxime said and he smiled, sipping his coffee, looking out over the water.

"Attention all!" Mike said a few days later as the crew gathered at the pub, all set to celebrate Kate's last patrol and she stood up in front of them all, nursing her bottle of water in her hands.

"Speech!" Charge cried out and she smiled at him, already just intend on that.

"I know Charge. I just wanted to say two things to you all; firstly that serving with you all on Hamersley have been some of the best four years of all my time in the navy and it's because of all of you. This team... all of you... well, I hope you're just as kind to your new XO." She said as Mike put a hand on her shoulder. "There's something else I want to tell you all, before you sail again, about why I'm leaving." And there was silence as she sat on the edge of the table, staring at all their faces again. "This time next year, when you see me, I'll have a five month old baby in my arms."

"You're pregnant?" Bomber cried and she nodded, a shout and a toast raising the roof of the pub.

"Yes, I'm pregnant. Bub is due in July." She said, her face shining and she subconsciously put her hand against her stomach where her child was growing.

"Congratulations ma'am!"

"Way to go!"

"Who's the dad?" came a final voice and everyone seemed to go quiet, waiting for the answer and she shook her head.

"I'll tell you another time." She promised to the sailor in the back and she blushed, avoiding Mike's eye. They had already agreed that he would tell them on Hamersley once they had sailed, knowing that gossip spreading on a ship could only go so far.

"A toast!" Mike said holding up his beer and Kate blushed a little as he raised his glass to her. "To Lt. McGregor, the best XO I think Hamersley has ever seen. Kate, you've left big shoes to fill."

"Here here!" they echoed, drinking to her.

"And here's to the only officer that 2Dads is scared of!" Dutchy added and they laughed again, drinking to her as she sipped from her water.

She left them at the pub an hour later, feeling the pang of sadness as she left her family behind, knowing that she was destined for one far less intimate.

"Katie?" and she turned around, seeing Mike following her out. "Are you alright?"

"I'm going to miss everyone I guess." She said and he gave her a gentle hug.

"Well, you can come aboard next week if you want; teach the new X how things work."

"Who are they sending you?" she asked and he shrugged.

"Lt. Clinton Walters... a young guy with plenty to learn... nothing like you though." He said, putting a hand in the small of her back, leading her to her car, opening the driver's door for her.

"I'll be there." And it pained her to let his hand go. "Do you want to come with me Michael?"

"Sure." He said and he got into the passenger's seat, the two of them leaving inconspicuously.


	10. Chapter 10

She let him into her home and Mike put his cover down on a nearby table, keeping his arm around her waist.

"Katie... I... I don't know what I'll do without you." He said, kissing her softly, Kate smiling and teasing his lips with her own.

"Stay here then, with me... when you're in port."

"Huh?"

"I want to live together now Michael... I don't want to be apart from you." And she clung to his shirt.

"Do you want to live here of in my house?" he asked, lifting her up off her feet, sitting her down on the kitchen bench.

"Yours is bigger... we're going to need space for the bub." She said and Kate kissed him again, craving his taste.

"Done then. Should we start packing up now?" and she shook her head.

"Michael, you have a pregnant girlfriend... and pregnancy is heavily associated with differences in sexual appetite... I need you." She said he groaned, attacking her neck, running his hands up her skirt.

"Really…" he said, carrying her back to her bedroom, lying her down on the bed, pulling her blouse open. "And what would Miss McGregor want me to do for her?" Mike asked, peeling her bra away, kissing the valley between her breasts.

"Anything Michael… I'm yours." She said, completely wanton for him and he grinned, lavishing everything he had on her.

They lay there together on the bed hours later, Mike running his hand gently over Kate's bare shoulders as she nuzzled his chest.

"The crew are going to go crazy when they find out that you're my baby's father." She said in a whisper, a smile still on her face.

"Probably… but I don't care… that's my kid in there." And he flipped them, scooting down in her bed to kiss her flat stomach where she was still as flat as ever.

"Do you think we'll have a boy or a girl?" Kate asked, laughing as he kissed her bellybutton.

"You know I don't care which…" he said and she nodded.

"Yeah, but still."

"I think you're having a girl." And he looked up at her, smiling.

"Is that so?" Kate asked, his hand roaming over her stomach.

"A little girl; blonde like you of course, and your smile… my obscure sense of humour… but she'll be a total daddy's girl." Mike theorised, finally crawling back up to rest his head beside hers.

"What would you do then if we had a boy?" she asked, still pressed against him. "A little boy in the spitting image of his father?"

"Teach him to play footy." He quipped and Kate hit him with a pillow, rolling out of the bed, finding her nightgown to pull on.

"Why are you getting dressed?" He asked, whining and she smiled a little, sitting back down beside him.

"You forgot already didn't you… my mother was coming to visit tomorrow… she's always early though and she has her own keys for when I don't answer the door." And Mike quickly scrambled to pull his boxers and undershirt back on.

"What time is she coming then?" he asked as they settled back into the bed, drawing Kate back into his arms.

"9am… I still haven't told her about the baby though… that's why I invited her over."

"What do you think she'll say?"

"Probably that it's about time. Did I ever tell you that she had me when she was 19?" and Mike shook his head, quizzically.

"I didn't know she was a teenager…" he said and Kate smiled up at him.

"Mum is a very… eccentric woman. She was a real hippy; free love and all that. She told me she got pregnant on the last day of high school and even though she was a real 70's girl… she didn't want to abort the pregnancy. Mum did a good job though, raising me on her own."

"That much I can tell." Mike said, kissing her gently. "How else did you grow into the most amazing woman I've ever known."

"Flatter…"

"And you love it." He added. "Did you ever know your dad?"

"Mum said it could have been a few guys." She said looking up at the ceiling. "I'm glad that this baby will know who you are though… it was rough growing up without a dad…"

"Every day. I'll tell bub every day that I'm here for her…"

"Him." She retorted, and Mike rolled his eyes, kissing the top of Kate's head, the two of them drifting off to sleep.


	11. Chapter 11

"Rise and shine sleepy head!" came a loud voice early the next morning and Mike groaned a little, opening his eyes as the speaker abruptly stopped singing, staring at the sight. "Oh… my…"

"Sorry… you must be Alison, Kate's mother… I'm Mike Flynn." He said and he sat up, Kate still fast asleep beside him.

"Oh yes… the former delicious captain turned hardened lover…" she said and he blushed, standing up, letting Kate gently fall against the pillows. "We should get that girl up… she's sleeping half the day away!"

"It's 0745…" Mike said and she shrugged. "Let her sleep." And the woman threw her a curious look.

"Wore her out last night did you? Alright then. Let's get some coffee and you can tell me all about how my Kate got you into her pants." And she left the room, Mike a little gobsmacked still standing beside the bed.

He dressed quickly in the clothes he kept in Kate's draws and kissed her crown as she snored on. Ever since Kate had fallen pregnant, the devil himself couldn't wake her; only her sea alarm and she simply turned when Mike tried to wake her, burying her face in the pillow.

"She still not awake yet?" Alison said as Mike came out, accepting the mug, holding back a wince as he tasted the attempt at coffee.

"No… she needs her rest though… getting over a stomach virus." He lied quickly, sitting down on the couch.

"So tell me Mike… how long have you been dating my daughter?" and Mike blushed again.

"Off and on for the last… almost seven years."

"Even when you were her captain?" she said incredulously and he coughed a little.

"Unintentionally. There was a brief period when I was assigned to base… so our relationship wasn't a navy infraction." He justified and Alison shook her head.

"Oh don't bother defending yourselves… If Kate hadn't already snatched you up, I'd be trying to get you myself! I mean, seriously…" she said, eyeing him up and down and Mike suddenly felt very self conscious.

"Do you have any food in this house? I couldn't even find a loaf of bread!" Alison said, leaping to her feet again, searching through the cupboards.

"Kate's just finished a patrol; she was at sea for three weeks…" he said and she grabbed her handbag.

"I'm going to go and get some food for everyone then; you wake Kate up. She shouldn't be sleeping this long." And she was gone before Mike could say a word. He stood up, pouring the poison coffee down the drain of the sink, and slowly walked back to Kate's room, sitting on the side of the bed.

"Good morning sunshine." Mike said, kissing her and she groaned, sitting up, pushing her hair back. "No morning sickness?"

"I felt it at about 5am. My mum is here isn't she."

"She was," he said as she pulled her knees to her chest. "She went to get groceries… said there was nothing to make for breakfast."

"That gives us three hours then." She said slowly and Mike looked confused. "How was she?"

"What do you mean?"

"Happy, sad, scared…"

"Happy; almost jubilant…" he said slowly.

"It won't last long." Kate said and she stood up, walking into the bathroom.

"Katie, am I missing something?" Mike asked and she nodded, bracing herself against the sink.

"My mum is bipolar. She was diagnosed four years ago. Mood swings are a part of her every day, but she won't admit it. She's never been on her meds, thinking it would mean admitting she's sick." Kate said turning and he put his arms around her.

"God, I'm sorry…" he said and she shrugged.

"I've dealt with it… I just wish she would." She said and she put a hand against her stomach. "It's hereditary… and I've been scared ever since we got pregnant that I'll pass it on to our bub."

"Don't fret about things like that Kate… It'll drive you…" and he trailed off, trying not to say the word 'mad'… "Why will it take her three hours to get bread and milk?"

"She'll start crying in the produce section because she thinks its cruelty to animals." She said brushing her hair back.

"I'm sorry I didn't tell you about this earlier Michael." Kate said, grabbing clothes out of her draws, deciding what to put on.

"It's fine; she's your mum; you decide how much to tell me." He said, kissing her temple.

"You just have to be patient with her. Play to her fantasies… that's what I've always done." She said and he nodded, sinking into his thoughts as Kate dressed for the day.

It didn't take Mike more than a few hours to see what she had dealt with all of her adult life. When Kate had told her mother of her pregnancy, Alison fled the house in tears only to come back that evening with bags of baby clothes, toys, books, bottles; a small fortunes worth of goods. And then she had cried again when Kate told her that she was moving into Mike's house, disappearing completely.

"Yeah, thank you… no, it's alright… she'll call when she's ready." Kate said into her phone late that night and Mike put a hand around her waist.

"Everything alright?"

"Mum went home to Rockhampton. That was my aunt Shelly. She kind of looks after her." And she put the phone down on the cradle. "Thank you for today." She said and he kissed her properly.

"Anything for you Katie."

"So um… we should get packing up the house here then." Kate said, looking around the neat living room.

"It can wait till tomorrow Katie." Mike said brushing her hair back. "It's been a… trying day for you."

"No… I want to… and you're due back on Hamersley tomorrow evening… there's a lot to sort out."

"I don't want to spend the last few hours that I have though, before I head back to the ship, moving boxes; I love you and I want to spend time with you… proper time…"

"You know what I really want Michael?" and he shook his head. "I want to go to bed." And he smiled, picking her up in a boson's lift, the two of them collapsing into the bed.


	12. Chapter 12

"Commander Flynn." Kate said smiling as the captain walked off his ship, headed straight to her. "Good patrol?"

"Better now." He said and in full view of the crew he kissed her, wrapping his arms around her waist, lifting her off her feet.

"Mike?" she said shocked as he finally released her, smiling, guiding her away, towards her car.

"I told them all that it's my bub too in your belly and after most of the crew started following a rumour mill, begun by 2dads, saying that you had bought sperm from me so that you could have a kid, I came clean to them… I told them all that I love you."

"You didn't…" she said as he took the keys out of her pocket.

"I did Kate and I don't regret a minute of it. Your place or mine?"

"Yours." She said instantly, baffled still as he threw his sea bags in the back, driving away.

"You moved in." Mike said instantly, before he even unlocked the door and she nodded.

"Was it the door mat that gave it away?" she asked and he shook his head.

"No; it was the fact that you can see through the windows again." And they walked inside, Mike looking around at the small 'improvements' to his bachelor's paradise.

"Welcome home Michael." She said calmly as he put his bag down, pushing him onto the couch and sitting down on his lap. "I missed you."

"I missed you too Katie." And he kissed her deeply.

"There's one more thing I wanted to show you Mike." Kate said and she pulled her shirt up over her head. He instantly went hard and she laughed, pulling his chin up to look him in the eye. "Put it away Michael; that wasn't what I meant. I meant this…" she said and she pulled his hands to her stomach. "I've popped out!" and he grinned, his face lighting up. "Our baby's growing? Can you feel anything?"

"Nothing yet… but bub's really getting bigger!" she said excitedly.

"McGregor or Flynn?" Mike asked after a few minutes, feeling her stomach still as if their child would start moving just because he was there.

"Hmm?"

"For bub… will she be a McGregor or Flynn?" he asked, Kate finally reaching for her shirt again and pulling it back on.

"Flynn." She said instantly, climbing off his lap with a final peck on his lips. "This is baby Flynn Michael. I don't want there to be any doubt that you're bub's father… and more over, I love you." She said, like a giddy school girl.

"Do you want to get married then?" and Kate's head snapped up as she moved to make some dinner.

"Are you asking me because you love me and you want me to be your wife, or because we're having a child together?" Kate asked, slowly walking into the kitchen, her stomach crying out for food.

"I'm not sure." He said after a few minutes and she shook her head with a slight smile.

"When you're sure of what you want Michael; ask me then… not now… and not just because of bub…" she said popping a rice cracker into her mouth.

"I ah… I don't know…"

"I love you Mike… you've just got to know what you want." Kate said, lying down on the opposite couch.

"You're confusing… and a tease at the same time Katie, you know that?" he said walking over, leering over her body, kissing her nose.

"And you're still ripe from being at sea… you need a shower honey." She said, pushing him away and Mike slipping away with a smile.

"Good morning Lt. McGregor." Commander White said as she walked into NAVCOM a few minutes late.

"Oh, hello ma'am… I'm sorry I'm running late…" Kate said as a junior sailor stopped to let her though the door.

"That's alright." She said and she considered her pregnant subordinate. "Walk with me for a moment?"

"If it's a quick moment ma'am… with respect…" she trailed off but there was no reason to explain to her why at six months, standing for long periods made her uncomfortable…

"My office." She smiled and Knocker sat behind her desk, gesturing that she should do the same.

"I have your next promotion here." And Kate instantly smiled. "There's a catch with it though." And it faltered. "It is a shore posting, and for a Lt. Commander, but at HMAS Kuttabul."

"But that's in Sydney… I was hoping to stay in Cairns with Mike…" she said slowly and the commander nodded.

"There are no postings here at the moment for a Lt. Commander, and I can't guarantee anything for after your maternity leave."

"Why didn't they acknowledge my request to stay here?"

"I can't answer that Kate… but those are your options." And Kate shook her head, a little frustrated.

"I'll stay here. I'm not leaving Michael… especially not when our bub is due in three months." She said defiantly, knowing that she was sacrificing the career path she had been working towards since she was eighteen. Kate folded her arms over her stomach where her child was relentlessly kicking her and she rubbed one spot particularly vigorously.

"I thought you might." She said, pushing another file towards her. "This is a different assignment for here." And Kate opened the folder.

"This is being… your XO…" she said slowly.

"It starts after your leave and will be the best opportunity at getting your promotion later on."

"Wow, thank you so much commander." She said and she stood up, bracing herself against the desk after a moment.

"Are you alright Kate?" the commander asked and she held her face still. "Is something wrong?"

"No… bub just really likes my kidneys." She smiled.

"Oh I remember that when I was pregnant with Ryan. He used to summersault inside me; rarely stopped. It was hell trying to get to sleep."

"I've got another three months of this though… Mike's been great though."

"Are you two going to get married at all?" Commander White asked and she choked a little.

"I don't know. Mike proposed a few months ago, but when I asked him if it was because of the bub or because he loved me, he couldn't say so I turned him down. I told him to ask again when he was sure."

"Well, Mike loves you. I'm sure some day soon, there'll be a ring on your finger." And Kate was dismissed, more confused than ever.


	13. Chapter 13

"Michael?" Kate said watching as he walked off the ship, slowly and formally. "What happened?" and she looked around at the tear stained faces.

"Harry." He said simply and she saw the black armbands on all their biceps. "There was a boarding that went bad… we subdued most of the crew, but they shot Harry." He said, putting his arms around Kate.

"I… I…" Kate said lost for words, the two of them breaking apart, seeing Dutchy and Swain carrying the body off the ship, both of them snapping to attention.

"I have to go into NAVCOM… talk to Commander White about this…" Mike said as they watched Harry's body, loaded into the van, driven away.

"Yeah, of course. I'll meet you at home a little later then…" and he pulled himself away from her, walking over to the van, climbing into the passenger's seat.

"Lieutenant," Kate said watching the vehicle leave and Mike's new XO stopped, walking over to her. "Was Michael…"

"He felt responsible." Lt. Walters said sitting on bench, gesturing that Kate should do the same. "Only me and Dutchy were armed… we didn't think anything of the boarding. It was an FFV, boat was practically sinking before we boarded."

"So he thinks he should have gotten you more prepared?" and Walters nodded.

"We'll do a memorial for Harry in a week or so… if you wanted to come aboard…"

"I'll be there." Kate said and she stood up, heading over to NAVCOM, knowing that Mike would be there soon.

"Katie…" Mike said as they got home and she sat him down on the couch, handing him a beer from the fridge.

"I spoke to Clinton… this wasn't your fault." She said, sitting beside him, trying to ease his conscious.

"I'm the captain Katie… it's my responsibility, for everything…"

"You're not a soothsayer Michael. You can't predict the future." She said kissing him and he shook his head. "This wasn't your fault."

"No… it was circumstance… but he was under my command…"

"You need some sleep Michael… you need to rest." She insisted and as he finished his beer, Kate guided him back to their bedroom and into bed beside her.


	14. Chapter 14

A month later, Mike's guilt had mostly dissipated and he threw himself instead into preparing for the birth of his first child.

"Kate, did you have a preference of where the furniture goes?" he asked one afternoon of his shore leave, putting the cot together. She walked into the room he had finished painting just the other day in a soft green colour as Kate categorically refused to let him find out if they were expecting a boy or girl.

"Wow… you're doing good." She said, sitting down in the rocking chair, putting her hands over her very swollen stomach.

"Any preferences?" he reiterated, and she pointed to the window.

"Put the cot under there…" she stipulated and Mike put a final screw in, pushing it over.

"Are you going to be in port for when bub is born? It would be great if you were…"

"Well, for every five days at sea, it's two days of shore leave… we're due to sail in a week, should be gone for four… might be back in time… or at least I hope I am." Mike said, with a few screws in his teeth as he moved over to a change table. "I do really hope that I'm here Kate." He said, tickling her feet a little from his spot on the carpet.

"I'd hope so too." And she moaned a little as he started massaging her swollen feet.

"Have you heard from Lt. McGregor sir?" Bomber asked one evening half way through their patrol as she replaced his coffee.

"We email every few days or so. Keeps reminding me to get home before bub is born." And the young woman smiled.

"It must be exciting, getting ready to be a dad…" she said and he nodded.

"Nerve racking at the same time though. Everyday there's something else we haven't thought of."

"Like what?" Bomber asked.

"Like… moving all the kitchen knives out of low lying draws in the kitchen." He said, finally accepting the coffee from her.

"Have you thought of names yet?"

"A few… we'll let you know when bub arrives." He said and Bomber smiled, walking out of his cabin and back to the galley.

Mike opened his laptop and pulled up the email he had received from Kate earlier that day.

"_Dear Michael,"_ it began and it sent a warmth through him to know that his girl was thinking of him. _"I can honestly say that I can't wait till you get home. I've missed you more than anything during this last patrol, waiting at home for you to come back to me and to bub. I've got a surprise waiting that I am bursting to tell you, but I know it should wait till you get back, other wise you'll be steering Hamersley back to port before she's due. Your baby is always hungry and I swear I'm putting on kilos because of it, and I'm really missing your foot massages. _

_Get your butt home soon you useless sailor; I love you and there's not much I can do without you. I'm hopeless without you._

_All my love,_

_ Katie."_ She had written and Mike pondered for a while weather he should reply for a third time. Slowly he closed the laptop and stretched out on his rack, pulling his shirt off for sleep. As his eyelids dropped, all he saw was Kate in front of him and subconsciously he reached out, as if to touch her, only reaching the wall of his bulkhead.

"Katie…" he said in his sleep and a smile stretched across his face as he turned, snoring to the night.


	15. Chapter 15

"Do you hear there, Captain speaking," Mike said a week later, unable to stop smiling as he raced onto the bridge. They all fell silent, those who could looking towards him and he grinned, sitting down in his chair. "I've just been informed by the base hospital, that Kate… Lt. McGregor went into labour earlier this morning and as of an hour ago, we officially have a son." And there was a cheer from the crew, Lt. Walters clapping him on the shoulder. "Kate said to pass on that she's doing fine, and so is the baby and she'll send some pictures as soon as she can."

"That soon?" Nav said walking onto the bridge from her cabin, woken by his announcement, onboard again for sea training. "Congratulations sir!"

"Thank you Niki." He said unable to stop smiling, even as he watched and FFV through the typhoon. "I'm sorry I missed it though."

"Did you and Kate have a name ready?"

"Not really… Kate told me that she had one though… wouldn't tell me though." And he grinned, standing up. "Walters you have the ship." And he raced back down the stairs to the radio room, kicking RO out to phone the hospital.

"Kate?" he said as it picked up. "Katie?"

"Michael…" she replied in a whisper and he grinned. "We have a boy… a little boy… he looks just like you…"

"Baby boy?" he stammered and she laughed weakly from exhaustion.

"Yeah we have a little boy. I called him Alexander. Alexander Michael Flynn. He's got your eyes… your face… He's your image Michael." She said calmly, though clearly exhausted.

"That's what you wanted to tell me, wasn't it… you'd gone into labour…"

"They thought it was Braxton Hicks… but 72 sleepless hours later, and our son is here."

"And you're doing alright?" he asked and she yawned.

"I'm exhausted, but fine. I can't wait for you to meet him though."

"Alexander…"

"Alex... I guess for short. How many days do you have left?" Kate asked as Mike let out a gasp of emotion.

"We're back in Cairns on Friday for resupply. Are you still going to be in the hospital?"

"No… we'll be home by then. Alex and I will be on the wharf, waiting for you."

"I wish I could be home sooner…"

"Check your emails Michael." She said and he opened them up on the computer, seeing several photos waiting for him. "That's your son."

"Oh god… Katie…" he said, choking. "He's amazing…"

"I expect to see those posted all over your cabin."

"Done Katie… done." He said, beaming with pride.

"I have to go Michael… I'm exhausted…" she said after a few minutes of silent contemplation.

"Of course, get some sleep Katie… and… look after our boy?"

"Fair winds Mike." She said finally hanging up the phone and Mike hit print on the computer, the thirty or so photos instantly churning out.


	16. Chapter 16

Kate stood on the dock with the tiny babe in her arms, family and friends of the crew all gathering around her to see her son.

"I'll bet Lt. Commander Flynn wished he was home for this." Sally said, holding tightly onto Chloe's hand as they waited for the ship to moor.

"He was upset of course; but still, he gets to meet little Alex today." She smiled as the ramp was finally secured, Mike hurrying off.

"Katie…" he said, pulling her into his arms, kissing her gently, before looking down at the blue bundle, picking him up and holding him to his chest.

"Welcome home Michael." She said, resting her head against his shoulder, watching him scrutinize his child.

"Alex…"

"Yeah. Alexander Michael." She said, brushing his hair a little on his small head. "Meet your son Michael." Kate added and he kissed her again, deeper, holding her to his side.

"I love you Katie… I love you." He said and she smiled, putting an arm around his waist as he bonded with the newborn.

"Is this him?" Walters said walking towards his captain ten minutes later and Mike nodded. "Congratulations, sir, Kate." He said and Kate shook his hand, liking the XO that had replaced her.

"Thanks Clint." She said smiling, watching Niki running over. "Hey…"

"Oh my god, Kate, he's so cute! Sir, he looks just like you!" she said, hugging her friend.

"You mean I'm cute?" Mike said and they laughed.

"We should go Michael." Kate said after a moment and he nodded.

"Come down to the pub later tonight? So everyone can meet…"

"Alexander." Kate said warmly. "And maybe. Right now it feels like my boobs are about to explode." She added in a whisper to Niki who laughed louder, the babe beginning to cry, the family walking away.

"Kate… I don't know how to…" Mike said as Alex began to cry and Kate took him back, trying to settle him. "He's perfect…"

"I know… he's like you." She replied, kissing his cheek.

"Why's he crying though?"

"I'm not sure. I'm still learning what this all is. Could be hungry, tired… need his nappy changing…"

"I want you to teach me what to do Katie; when we get home…"

"Well, you can't feed him; I started breastfeeding… and you don't have the equipment." She laughed as they reached the car, Kate putting him into the baby seat before climbing into the front. "We've both got a lot to learn."


	17. Chapter 17

"MUMMY!" the two year old screamed and Kate walked into her son's room to see Mike dangling him upside down.

"Michael what on earth are you doing!" she exclaimed as Mike put him down, grinning like a kid himself. "Mike!" but their son was laughing.

"Sorry Kate, he's just excited about coming on Hamersley today. You are still coming, right?" and she nodded, sitting down on the chair in Alex's room, watching as father and son spun around in the air. Mike put Alex down and he ran over to his mother, hugging her around the legs.

"You're sure its alright for you to bring us both on board? It's meant to be one family member per person…"

"I'm sure the captain can bend the rules for himself." Mike said pecking her lips. "And if in doubt… we just couldn't find a babysitter." He argued, pulling some of Alex's clothes out to dress the boy.

"Here, you get him dressed and I'll pack the bag for the day." Kate said and he nodded, Alex whining as Kate tried to get up.

"No… mummy…" and he clung tighter to her.

"Or I can just pack the bag." He said, Kate relenting, listing the items as she changed his nappy, pulling the t-shirt and shorts onto the toddler.

"Daddy boat?" Alex asked and Kate nodded grinning as the two of them reached Hamersley, an hour after Mike had reported.

"Yeah, that's right; it's daddy's ship." She said as they walked aboard, Kate saluting the flag, as she should, Alex hitting his forehead attempting to imitate her.

"Oww, mummy…" he said as Mike joined them, taking his son.

"Hi buddy." He said and the toddler squealed for joy, launching into his father's arms.

The three of them walked through the ship for most of the morning, Mike taking great pleasure as showing off to his son. By evening, Bomber had set up a steel beach barbeque, the team laughing on the boat deck and Mike drew Kate into his arms, letting her perch on his knee in the bridge.

"You remember when we made him?" Mike asked and Kate blushed, looking down at where Charge, without his family aboard, was sitting Alex in a RHIB, letting him sit behind the wheel.

"It's hard to forget." She said, resting her head against his shoulder. "A happy little accident."

"You don't regret it?"

"Not for a minute." Kate said instantly and Mike kissed her sweetly.

Kate felt something pressed into her hand and she broke their kiss, looking down to what was there.

"What's this?" she asked and he kissed the top of her nose, threading his fingers through her hair.

"A present." Mike said, laying his lips firmly down over hers and she smiled, putting a hand against her heart. "Something to say 'I love you'… because lord knows I do." Slowly she opened the box and nearly dropped it when she saw what was inside.

"Mike…" she said and he took the box from her. "This is a ring… a diamond ring…"

"Yeah, it is." He agreed, pulling it out of the box, holding it between his fingers. "You told me, when you were pregnant, that you didn't want to marry me if I wasn't sure it was because of Alex or because I love you. Now, I'm sure. I love you, so much and I want to be your husband."

"Michael…" she said, tears swimming in her eyes.

"I love you. I want to marry you Katie. I want a future, with you, a family with you, more kids if that's what the future holds… I want a life with you Katie; you and no one else."

"Yes!" she exclaimed, not needing to give him more words and she shifted in the seat, straddling him, pouring herself to him.

"I was beginning to think you didn't want to get married…" Kate said as they parted for air.

"Just cautious." He said calmly, sliding the ring onto her finger. "I love you though Katie… more than anything in the world… except perhaps Alex."

"I know. Oh god, don't I know it." She said, looking at the solitaire on her finger and then out to where her son was. "Do you want more children Michael?"

"If it happens… I think Alex should be a big brother… would you want more kids? Are you willing to go through it all again?"

"In a heartbeat. Look how beautiful our first one came out." She said as he kissed the side of her neck. "But after we get married." She stipulated and he squeezed around her waist, the two of them revelling in their new step.


	18. Chapter 18

"Morning Jane!" Kate said a few weeks later at Christmas as she headed to Mike's parent's house for lunch with her son.

"Kate, how wonderful to see you. Where's Alex?"

"He spotted Max in the front yard and started chasing him… again." She said, looking out the window to where the boy was chasing a dog, double the size of him.

"And Mike?"

"He's at sea unfortunately, but hopefully he'll be back before New Year." Kate said as Alex finally ran inside to give his grandmother a hug. "Do you want to tell Grandma what's happening?" and he understood where the old woman didn't.

"What?"

"Mummy and daddy bedding!" he said happily, thought he had no idea what his own statement meant.

"What is he talking about?" Jane asked and Kate grinned, picking Alex up and showing her the ring on her finger.

"Mike finally proposed. We're getting married." She smiled and her future mother-in-law beamed, pulling her into a tight embrace.

"Congratulations! I kept telling him he should make an honest woman out of you…"

"Yes, well, I was the one that told him not to propose just because of this bub." She said as they walked through the house to the garden where all of Mike's family was sitting at the table.

"Kate and Mike are getting married!" Jane called out to the group and Kate blushed a little as Mike's brother took his nephew from her, the rest throwing catcalls of congratulations.

"When did my son finally propose?" Colin, Mike's father asked as Kate sat down, someone pouring her a glass of wine.

"Two weeks ago; family day on Hamersley. He got me alone on the bridge and then asked me." She said as Kendall, his sister, grabbed her hand to look at the ring.

"My brother has good taste." She said impressed and Kate blushed still deeper. "When are you going to do it?"

"I'm not sure. Mike's still at sea till the 27th but then he has some leave and we were going to figure out some things then. We'll definitely keep you posted though." She smiled as Alex ran back to her, showing her a puppet that one of his uncles had given him.

Mike had four brothers and his sister but of all of them, he was the only one with kids. He was the oldest, though Kate could have told you that a week after meeting him. Alex now was the apple of all their eyes, relishing in the attention he got from his grandparents, uncles, aunty and everyone else that came with it. And now Kate would officially be part of their family; the only in-law thus far.

"Where's Mike?" James, one of his brothers asked and she looked up at him, Alex crawling all over her.

"Some where around Groote Island… last time I heard." She said playing with her son's light hair.

"Where's…"

"East of the territory, in the Gulf of Carpentaria." She said smiling, thinking back to her time as a navigator.

"Mummy look!" Alex said, showing her the puppet, waving it in her face.

"That's great bub." She said, taking it from him and putting it on her hand.

"Uncle Fray!" and Kate knew that meant Frasier had given it to him.

"You know, I think Grandpa has more presents. Go and ask him." And he ran over to the venerable old man. "He reminds me so much of Mike…"

"He's the spitting image; just like his baby photos. I swear, he is identical to him…" Jane said putting food on the table, ready for Christmas dinner.


	19. Chapter 19

"I got a new posting today Kate…" Mike said one evening as they watched their son feed himself. "On a different ship."

"Would you still be based here in Cairns?" she asked and he shook his head.

"They want me at fleet base west; command of HMAS Toowoomba."

"Wow… that's huge Michael…" she said squeezing his hand. "You're worried about us moving though, aren't you."

"We're not married yet… so the navy is under no obligation to keep us together. They might not approve a transfer for you to Perth…"

"Well, when is your posting set to start?" Kate asked, wiping Alex's mouth.

"Two months time. Why?"

"Well… in two months, we could get married… alleviate any issues." She insisted and he grinned.

"Are you serious Katie?" Mike asked and she nodded.

"How about next weekend… you and I go down to Hamersley with our friends and family… and we'll get married, there on the ship." She suggested and he kissed her gently, wanting to deepen it but the tugging on his pant leg stopped him.

"Daddy? Story?" Alex said and she nodded, laughing.

"Daddy can read you a story after you have a bath and get all of this pasta sauce off your face. How did you get it in your hair." And she grinned as he patted his father's leg, smearing the sauce all over him too. "Actually I think both of you need a bath."

"Are you joining us too?" Mike asked, picking Alex up, blowing raspberries on his stomach.

"Maybe later Mike." She said tapping his nose and she cleaned up the table as he left to do the same to their little boy.

"So, are we really going to get married on the weekend?" Mike said once he had put Alex in bed, crawling in beside Kate, kissing her neck.

"I don't see why not. Think we can arrange it?" she asked, rolling into his chest and kissing him. "We should call people in the morning…"

"Not now? It's only 8pm…"

"No, not now." She said, slowly unbuttoning his shirt and Mike grinned as she got rid of it.

Mike rolled them so that she was pinned beneath his muscular body and Kate smiled, raising her arms lazily above her head, surrendering her body to him. He raised his hands up her night shirt and pulled it over her head in one swift movement, running his hands over her now naked body, feeling her quivering at his touch.

"The things you do to me Katie…" he said, kissing the tip of her nose and she reached between them, squeezing him and he moaned, capturing one of her breasts with his lips

"God! Michael!" she gasped and he smiled, running his hands along her waist, feeling her push his boxers off with her feet.

"Katie; we've got to be quiet; Alex is in the next room." But he didn't stop teasing her with his fingers and lips, Kate writhing under his touches. She bit her lip as he pushed a finger inside her, feeling it coat his hand and Mike grinned at her shameless desire for him.

"Please Michael," Kate said and he pecked her lips gently, feeling her legs fall willingly open for him.

He hooked his arms around her knees and Mike thrust quickly inside her, Kate moaning audibly at the contact. She was never failed to be impressed by how he filled her; like two pieces of the puzzle and she arched her hips, giving him deeper access to her body. Mike captured her lips and she held his head as they rocked together, not wanting the contact to end. She shook violently after a few minutes and she clenched around him, drawing him tightly in as he shot inside her.

"I love you. I love you so much Katie." He said and she couldn't form the words, just moaning against his lips. "Mrs Flynn." He was saying pre-emptively and she smiled, closing her eyes, still holding him tightly.


	20. Chapter 20

_Close your eyes, give me your hand, darling…_

_Do you feel my heart beating, do you understand?_

_Do you feel the same, am I only dreaming?_

_Is this burning an eternal flame?_

_I believe it's meant to be, darling_

_I watch when you are sleeping, you belong to me._

_Do you feel the same, am I only dreaming_

_Or is this burning an eternal flame?_

_Say my name, sun shines through the rain,_

_A whole life so lonely, and then you come and ease the pain_

_I don't want to lose this feeling_

_Close your eyes and give me your hand_

_Do you feel my heart beating, do you understand?_

_Do you feel the same, am I only dreaming_

_Or is this burning an eternal flame?_

_Is this burning an eternal flame…_ and Mike kissed Kate's cheek as the song finished, twirling his bride in his arms in the privacy of their own living room.

"A perfect day Michael." She agreed, planting her lips over his, the two of them sinking to the carpet and falling amidst toys and haphazardly thrown shoes. He grinned, wrapping his arms around her lower back, and letting her drape across his chest.

"Why didn't we do this years ago?" he asked, threading his fingers through her hair.

"Now that we have… I don't know…"

"What do you want to do Kate?" Mike asked and she smiled, leaning forward to whisper in his ear.

"I want to go to bed… and not have to worry about being loud since Alex is spending the night with your parents." She said and he scooped her up, carrying her into their bedroom.

"Katie, no regrets." He said, kissing her forehead. "None; not now, not ever."

"Good. There's no turning back now." She said, pressing her body tightly against his, feeling his hands creeping under the back of her t-shirt that she had pulled on when they had gotten home. Kate kissed him, pulling himself up so that they were level. "I want to make love to my husband Michael." And he groaned, affixing his lips to hers and they tumbled onto their bed.

Mike rolled on top of her, sucking on the side of her neck and Kate ran her hands over his bare chest, feeling him tug at her old grey t-shirt that she had worn for bed. He tore it from her body, cupping her breasts as she pushed his pyjama pants off in desperation, Mike quickly tugging her underwear from her body. He roughly ran his hands along the insides of her thighs and she parted them willingly, wrapping them around his waist. She grabbed his face, locking them together with their lips and grinding himself against his straining shaft, Mike groaning loudly as he slowly slid inside her body.

Kate's eyes and mouth were open wide in a silent scream of pleasure as he let go of her lips and made their way down the valley between her breasts. He thrust in and out with a furious frenzy, wanting to fill every pore with the love he held for her. She raked her nails across Mike's back, leaving long red welt marks as she stirred the animal inside him. He grabbed her legs, pushing himself deeper and nuzzling on the side of her neck.

He brought her over the edge three times, and they were sure that their neighbours would have something to say in the morning, but Mike didn't care as his new wife screamed beneath him.

"Michael, let go." She cried, grabbing both sides of his face, holding his gaze against hers. "Please let go." But still he resisted, wanting to bring Kate to the gates of heaven itself. She hooked her legs around him and flipped them over, leaning over him, her breasts grazing gently across his chest, teasing him. He reached out but she sat up sharply, leaning back on her heels, letting his cock slip from her deep folds.

"Lay back Michael." She ordered and she grabbed the sash from her dressing gown and she quickly tied his wrists, pinning his arms to the headboard.

"Katie…" he said trying to move his hands but she had secured them tightly. She bent over him, peppering his chest with kisses, stopping just short of his groin. Kate smiled wickedly and Mike furrowed his brow, not knowing what she was about to do. That was until she began moving again, sitting on his knees, her legs either side of his and she let a finger rake along the underside of his shaft.

Mike groaned as she brought that same finger to her lips moments later and sucked it, instantly recognising that she was doing all of this for his benefit. Kate trailed her finger between her breasts, down past her navel and slipping to the curls at her juncture. He froze at the sight of a never admitted fantasy coming true, quaking with desire as she slipped her own finger into her tight and wet hole, hearing her moan as she pleasured herself. Kate slipped a second inside and teased her nipples with her other hand, pinching them, letting Mike watch as her body flushed.

She held onto her control and pulled her fingers out after several minutes, bringing them to Mike's lips, watching as he sucked them instantly, still fumbling with her own breasts. Once he had cleaned the digits, she pulled her hand back and he watched, his eyes wide as she rubbed her own clit. "OH!" Kate cried after her own ministrations began to get away from her and she closed her eyes, her heavy lashes, veiling her face. He struggled against the bonds but she had left him no room to move, just the torture of lying there, waiting for her to give him what he now desperately needed.

"Kate…" he groaned, still trying to reach for her and she pulled her fingers away, wiping them this time over his straining cock.

Kate moved up his body and impaled herself, moaning in pleasure, barely hearing his cry of desire as she rocked her hips. After a minute or so she raised her hips and slammed them back down again, both of them crying out. Again and again they moaned as again and again Kate crashed her hips against his.

"Katie, untie me… please…" he begged, seeing that she was loosing it again but she just groaned. "Katie…" and she reached up, pulling the loose end and his hands fell free, instantly wrapping around his wife.

She squeezed him tightly and Kate could sense he was almost at the point of not fitting inside her body. Mike held her hips as she reached between them, fondling the last few centimetres that wouldn't fit into her body. He moaned and she screamed, Kate collapsing against his chest as he exploded inside her, filling her body with his essence.

"I love you Katie…" he said as she struggled to lift her head, gasping for air on top of him.

"Love…Michael…" she panted and he wrapped his arms around her as they drifted off to sleep.


	21. Chapter 21

By the end of the month, they had relocated to Perth and while Kate started out in Fleet West Command, Mike received orders to ship out to the Persian Gulf after only a short time as the Toowoomba's CO.

"You've got to look after mummy for me Alex; while daddy is away." Mike said as Kate tried to hold back tears, knowing she wouldn't see him for nearly eight months.

"Go away?" he said confused and Mike nodded.

"I'll be back though." He promised the nearly four year old. Mike stood up and Kate fought to hold her tears back. "Don't cry honey…"

"I know you'll be home before long… but…"

"I'll stay safe, I promise you. No heroics." Mike insisted, kissing her temple. She sobbed into his shoulder, clutching his shirt and he whispered in her ear. "Do you think we managed to make Alex a brother before I leave?"

"I don't know yet." She said, feeling him put his hands against her stomach. "The second I find out though, I'll tell you… I'll try and call, or email… and… every day…" she said finally composing herself.

"Look after our son? Please?" Mike asked and she nodded, holding Alex's hand tightly.

"Of course… I love you Michael."

"I love you too… and I'll be home before you know it." He said, kissing her firmly as he let go of his family, walking onto his ship.

"How long is daddy going to be gone for?" Alex asked, curious and inquisitive, like both his parents.

"You'll be starting school when he gets back." She said giving him a tight squeeze. "But we can ring him and send him letters and pictures… and he'll send us letters too."

"I miss daddy…"

"I know you will, I will too Alex." She said, watching as the ship sounded it's horn and backed out of the dock. "It'll be just you and me baby."

"I'm not a baby mummy." And it pained Kate to hear that he wasn't her little boy any more.

"I know… I know." She said and they stood there silently, watching the ship sail away.

Alex fell asleep quickly when they got home and Kate sat down on her bed, noting the cool absence of Mike's warm body, where he would normally lie. She picked up his pillow and hugged it tightly, feeling something crumple inside. It was a letter for her, from Mike and she opened it with a small smile, seeing where his hand had caressed the paper, writing his message to her.

_My dearest Katie,_

_ Please don't cry, though I'm sure you already have. I know going off to a war zone was against both our plans but duty is as duty does. Know that when ever you find this, I miss you; I have from the start and there will never be a moment that I don't think of you and of Alex while I'm away. _

_ I thought you'd like to know some of who are with me, knowing it will bring you some comfort to be with people that you trust. Niki Caetano is onboard as the navigator and it is a pleasure to be working along side such a competent woman. Charge too followed us down and is one of the engineers. I've also found Chefo, Buffer and Spider here; friendly faces to see after finding out that I would be commanding78 sailors. Needless to say I'll look after all of them and I trust them to have my back too._

_ I love you though Katie and know that I would rather be beside you in our bed now, than I would be anywhere else in the world. I'm hoping that in a few weeks you'll send me an email or call me to tell me that we're going to be parents again. If not though… more to look forward to when I come home… making another baby… _

_ I wish I was there with you, watching Alex grow, seeing him slowly get taller, learn new things… I wanted to be there when he started playing rugby and I know that you didn't want him to… but he's our boy and he can't be told. He's headstrong like you and I both and I can just imagine him when he's a teenager, trying to get things by us… but we're too smart for him… or we are at the moment. _

_ When I get home; me, you and Alex are going away; we can have a belated honeymoon of sorts. I sent an email to my mother and she's planning the surprise for us for when the tour ends. I have no idea what she's planning though, so it's out of our hands completely. _

_ I don't know when you're reading this Kate, my bet though is that it was this morning, the day I left and I want to tell you to be strong. Be brave for Alex, and for me. You're my world and you're always who I'm coming home to. Like it or not, I know you're ready for this; to be the mum and dad for our son while I'm gone and I'll repay the favour if ever need be._

_ I love you Katie, with every fibre of my being._

_ Michael_

Tears splashed on the letter before she had even finished and she wiped them away, folding the letter and holding it to her breast. Slowly she sank into her pillows and held the letter tightly, the closest thing that she had to her husband while he was gone.


	22. Chapter 22

"Have you heard from home sir?" Nav asked a week into their voyage north; headed to the gulf.

"I heard from Kate just this morning. We're going to have another baby!" he smiled and the young navigator squealed a little, all eyes turning to here on the bridge.

"The boss is having another baby!" she explained to onlooking faces and there was a smattering of congratulations. "When sir?"

"She's due three weeks after we get home so hopefully I'll be home this time." Mike smiled. "I'll never forgive myself if I miss out on the birth of both my kids."

"Alex was early though, wasn't he?" and Mike nodded.

"Hopefully Kate can hold on for us though." He smiled.

Mike looked out at the horizon, watching the waves crashing past them and he looked down at the photo of Kate and Alex that he kept pinned to the arm of his chair. He smiled, running his fingers over them and imagined that he was home with them, watching Kate chase Alex round the house or his son's smiling face, happy at almost everything.

"You miss them, don't you?" Nav said looking over at him as she made an adjustment to their course.

"Of course I do. When you get married, you'll understand."

"I already do sir." She said with a sad smile. "ET."

"Of course… I'm sorry Niki." He said and she turned back to her charts, studying them as she had never sailed this part of the world. "What time is it back in Perth Nav?"

"Calling home sir?" and he nodded. "0540. I'd give it an hour or so." She advised and he shrugged, sitting back in his chair.

"Hello?" came a childish voice and Mike smiled hearing his son's voice.

"Hi buddy! It's daddy!" he said and he heard his scream for his mother, beckoning her close.

"Daddy! Mummy, it's daddy!" Alex said and then he heard quick footsteps as Kate raced for the phone. "Where are you daddy?"

"I'm in Dubai buddy."

"Where's Doobi?" he repeated and Mike laughed.

"It's in Saudi Arabia. Ask mummy, she can show you on the map." He said, grinning and sitting back in his hotel room. "Does mummy have a big tummy on her yet?"

"She says it's little still; but she looks fat." He said innocently as Kate wrangled the phone from his hands.

"Michael?" she asked and he smiled, hearing her voice.

"Hello beautiful. Or did Alex get it right?" he asked making her laugh.

"I think it's because of him. I look bigger than I did when I was pregnant with Alex at the same time."

"I'll bet you look beautiful." He said smiling and she sighed on the other end.

"I really miss you Michael, more than the world…"

"Email me some photos? Please? And send me more of Alex's drawings? I really miss him… and you…"

"I mailed one just last week. It should get there soon…" and he heard in the background a cry of "Let me talk to daddy too!"

"I hear you're about to start school soon buddy, are you excited?"

"I started school last week daddy." And it pained Mike to know he was missing so many milestones of his son's life. "My teacher's name is Mrs Darnel and she's really old. She has wrinkly skin like grandma."

"Is she nice though?" he asked.

"Yeah, she is I guess. Mummy said she's a good teacher."

"She's lovely Michael. She let Alex tell all his classmates about how his dad is the captain of the ship. And then she got me to come in to explain to them what the navy was."

"He's doing good?"

"It's only been a week, but yes. Already learning to read and write."

"I can do my letters daddy!" he said honestly and she laughed a little, Mike hearing it all through the phone.

"Alex, why don't you say goodbye to daddy. Mummy has to talk to him and you have to have a shower."

"Mummy…"

"Now." She ordered and Mike heard Alex kiss the phone.

"I love you daddy."

"I love you too Alex. You keep looking after mummy and the baby in her tummy."

"I will daddy." And he heard him drop the phone, Kate picking it up, turning the speaker off as she watched their boy disappear into the bathroom, the hiss of the shower telling Mike that his boy was obedient; at least to her.

"We're having another boy Michael." Kate said when Alex was out of earshot and Mike cheered, wishing he could be there with her. "I wanted you to know something, since you aren't here."

"Another boy?" he reiterated and she laughed.

"That's right Mike… and it's your turn to name him."

"I'll start planning now." He said and he opened his laptop, seeing an email from his wife. "Your email…"

"It's the ultrasound from earlier this week." She explained.

"Our baby?"

"Yeah Mike. I took Alex with me on the visit so he could see that I wasn't just putting on weight. He got a little scared at the sight though." She said and he felt hot tears prickle in his eyes, seeing the video of the ultrasound playing before him.

"I miss you so much Katie." Mike said still watching his next son kicking in black and white.

"You'll be home soon honey. Two more months and you'll be on your way home. I've double checked with fleet command too so there's no changes to the plan."

"Good… that's good."

"So how long are you in Dubai then?"

"Just a few days." He replied. "We're docked for repairs. We lost a bow thruster from a mortar explosion."

"You're safe, right?"

"Always." And reception seemed to start failing. "Kate; I think I'm going to loose you. I love you though… I love you."

"Love… Michael…" and the line went dead.

He sat there for hours staring at the video of his newest baby and he barely noticed the tears still on his face.

"Sir?" came a voice at the door and he turned around, seeing that his seaman's assistant had paused at the door. "Lt. Collary requests your presence on the ship. He has word on the repairs."

"Thank you. Get the car, I'll be out the front in five." He instructed.

"Your family sir?"

"Yes Greg. My wife… six months pregnant." He said and he stood up, closing his computer and putting it in his bag. "I'm going to check out of the hotel. Pack all this up for me?"

"Aye sir." He said, accepting his quick change of mind, doing his bidding for his captain.


	23. Chapter 23

"Mum, I want to sit on your lap." Alex said as they waited for Toowoomba to arrive.

"There's no room." She said, gesturing to her huge stomach where her son was kicking strongly. "Sit next to me."

"But mum…"

"Do you see any space? Here, sit next to me and keep an eye out for daddy's ship."

"What does it look like?"

"Well, it's really big… and there's a helicopter on the back of it." She said laughing a little. Alex had seen more Navy ships than any boy she knew and he could spot one a mile away, yet still, he didn't know what his father's ship was… it had been too long since he had seen it last.

There were dozens of families on the dock but the camera crew there to film the arrival of the frigate turned to only member of the crowd, Kate raising an eyebrow as they walked towards her.

"Ma'am, one of the others here told me that you're the captain's wife?"

"Yes, I am. Lt. Kate Flynn, and our son, Alexander."

"You're navy too?"

"Well, I'm on maternity leave at the moment." She smiled, patting her huge stomach. "Due in three weeks."

"And your husband? Home in time for the birth?"

"This time." She smiled, seeing the mast over the horizon, bending down to Alex's level, seeing the Camera follow them out of the corner of her eye.

"Look Alex; here comes daddy's ship!" she said and her son pointed excitedly.

"It's daddy? Really?"

"Yeah bub, he's coming home." She smiled, kissing his forehead as they watched the ship sail into port. "Did you have your sign ready for him? The one you wrote for daddy?" Kate asked and Alex picked up the poster, holding it over his head. The camera crew spun round to capture the image, the cameraman smiling at what it said. _Welcome Home Captain Daddy!_ It read and Alex held it high, never faltering as he watched his father sail home.

Mike raced off the ship as soon as they were secured and scooped his son into his arms, kissing his wife with all the passion of a man not having seen his woman in close to a year.

"I love you…" he mumbled against her lips and she felt tears of joy on her face, feeling him; that he was really there.

"Daddy!" Alex said and they broke apart, Mike turning to the five year old.

"I missed you buddy; I missed you so much." He said, weighing the child in his arm. "You've grown so much!"

"I've looked after mummy and baby like you told me to." He said with a smile, dropping the sigh to the ground.

"I heard. Mummy sent all your pictures and told me all about how you looked after her… and the baby." And he turned to her, looking down at the huge swell in front of her. "How's… how is our…"

"Your son is doing just fine." She said as he pressed his hand to her stomach, guiding him to where he was kicking. "And he's stubborn; far from ready to come out."

"Captain Flynn, how does it feel to be home?" the camera crew asked and Kate grinned, holding his arm around her back.

"Absolutely fantastic." Mike grinned as his son took his cover, putting it on his own head. "We had a successful mission, we suffered minimal casualties at all from our party, and now, all of us are safe at home. And I'm in time to see my son born and Alex here become a big brother for the first time."

"Mission accomplished?" and Mike nodded.

"Time to spend some time as just a dad." And Kate beamed, Mike kissing the top of her head as Alex looked around at all the sailors proudly.


	24. Chapter 24

"I feel like proposing again." Mike said that night as he explored Kate's belly, feeling the difference in kicks that he had felt from Alex. "This is so amazing…"

"It's the same as before Mike."

"Still." He replied, kissing her protruding belly button.

"Did you think of a name for this little boy? Because that was your only job… aside from supplying sperm." She joked.

"Yeah, I thought of one… but we'll have to wait to see if it fits him."

"What's the name?"

"Luke; Luke Colin; after dad."

"That sounds beautiful… and I think he likes it." She said, feeling the baby inside her summersault.

Mike put his ear to her belly, feeling the heartbeat of his child thumping loudly in his watery home. Kate had fallen asleep, no longer able to stay awake with the pressure of pregnancy and excitement of the day. Mike though kept listening and feeling, thinking that if he stayed awake all night, with the belly, it would alleviate his guilt over being away through the brunt of Kate's pregnancy. He got up at 3am and walked into Alex's room, sitting down on the floor, just watching him sleep. It was a comfort to see the steady rise and fall of his chest, and he had to admit that Kate had done a brilliant job in parenting both sides while he was away. When 5am neared, Kate woke and after relieving the pressure on her bladder, she found him in Alex's room.

"You didn't sleep." She said quietly, knocking on the door with a mug of tea.

"I was away so long… I'd go to school with him tomorrow if I could… spend every waking minute with both of you."

"School holidays are in a week." Kate said, dragging him away and closing the door, handing him her mug. "And then you'll have him and a new baby to keep you entertained."

"And you Katie." He said, kissing her soundly, sitting down on the couch.

"Do you have to go into fleet command?" Kate asked, starting to make them some breakfast before Alex woke up.

"Not till tomorrow. I'm spending the day with my family." Mike said, putting his arms around her waist, wanting to be as physically close as possible.

"You should call your parents, your brothers and sister. They all had titbits of news for you they wanted to wait till you got home for."

"Like what?"

"Like I'm not telling you. They want to." She said smiling, tapping his hands, pulling away to wake up their boy.


	25. Chapter 25

"Michael?" Kate asked one morning as she lay in their bed, waking up, not seeing anyone in the room. "Michael? Alex?"

"Katie?" she heard him reply and a minute later, sticking his head into their room. "Need help getting up."

"You put me in this condition; you help me." She said, holding out her hands and he smiled, grabbing them and hoisting her to her feet. "Where's Alex?"

"He's at Daniel's house for that party. We've got to pick him up at 11 though." He reminded her and she nodded, leaning against him as the baby inside her kicked roughly. "Are you ok?"

"Just… kicking me a lot." She said, easing herself into a chair as Mike got her some breakfast.

"You really don't look good Katie." Mike said as he put down a plate of toast, kneeling in front of her.

"I ah… I think in an hour or so… you should take me to the base hospital." She said slowly, rubbing her belly and pushing the food away.

"You think…"

"It's starting to feel the same as when I went into labour with Alex… when I start screaming, that's when you drive me to hospital." She said for his benefit, starting to breathe hard.

"Do you want me to get Alex? Do you want him here?"

"No… call the Roberts, get Jules to bring him to the hospital after the party but tell her not to tell him till they leave…" and Mike picked up the phone, dialling from the numbers on the fridge as Kate stood up, walking around the room.

"Shouldn't you be sitting down?" Mike asked as they waited for someone to pick up.

"No… walking helps." She said, holding onto couch for support. "This is…" and she gasped, her free hand going to her hip.

"Kate? KATIE?" Mike said, abandoning the call while no one was answering and he rushed over to her.

"I'm ok, really. Like I said, when I start screaming, not gasping…" and she smiled at him. "You're acting like a first time father…"

"It feels like I am Katie." He said and Mike kissed her cheek. "What can I do to help?"

"My lower back is killing me; just massage it a bit; it will help." And he kneaded small circles, Kate closing her eyes, breathing through the discomfort.

Mike looked green as Kate squeezed his hands arching off the bed she was lying in, screaming bloody murder.

"Is this normal?" he asked the doctor as she came in and she nodded.

"You weren't home for the birth of your first son, were you?" she asked as Kate panted, pushing her hair off her face.

"No… I was at sea. Katie…"

"It's normal; trust me. Alex was like this." She said as a hand disappeared under the sheet over her knees, checking her progress. "How much longer?"

"I think we're ready to take you to delivery. Did you want someone to get your son for him to see too?"

"No… it's alright; a friend's looking after him for us." She said as they put her knees down.

"Come on dad, we've got to get you in a gown." The nurse said, pulling him by the elbow and he looked around confused, doing as he was told.

"Good Kate, really good. Just hold it there." The doctor said as Mike squeezed Kate's hands, still as white as a sheet though. "That's it."

"You're doing so well honey…" he whispered into her ear and she panted, her cheeks flushed from the effort.

"ARGH!" she cried, falling back for a moment and the doctor smiled behind her mast.

"Great Kate, the head's out, you've just got to pass the shoulders. You want to come and see dad?"

"He's fine." Kate said, as he kissed her hand, nodding at his wife's orders.

She screamed again after a minute and felt as though her body was being ripped in two, the child leaving her body, the new cry entering the room.

"Well done Kate, your little boy is here."

"That's it?" Mike asked as the midwife cut the cord and wrapped a blue towel around the screaming child. "That's my son?"

"That's your son dad." The doctor said, still busy at Kate's legs, delivering the placenta. "Colleen, can you go and find Mr and Mrs Flynn's other son in the waiting room? I think he'd like to meet his brother." And she nodded, leaving the room as Kate cradled the newborn against her chest.

"You want to hold him Michael?" Kate asked after a few minutes and he nodded, taking the tiny baby, holding him like a piece of glass.

"Did you have a name ready for him?" the doctor asked and Mike looked down at Kate.

"Do you think it suits him?" he asked and she nodded. "This is my son; Luke Colin Flynn." And the door opened, the nurse coming in with Alex.

"Come and meet your baby brother honey." Kate said and he climbed up on the bed to sit beside her, staring at the bundle in Mike's arms.

"His name is Luke."

"He's so little… is he going to get big like me?"

"In time." Kate said and she hugged him tightly, exhausted from her day's events.


	26. Chapter 26

"Mum, have you seen my trumpet?" Alex asked, opening the door to the bathroom where Kate was brushing her teeth in the shower.

"It's in your room on your bookshelf where it always is!" she called back through the spray of water.

"Mum it's not there!"

"Look harder!" she shouted as Mike came into the bathroom, sitting down on the toilet seat, just watching her.

"You do realise the door is now wide open with you still naked in the shower." He said and Kate stuck her head out of the curtain to grin at him.

"After three kids, you loose all your modesty." She replied smartly, turning back to the hot spray as Luke now strode into the bathroom.

"Mum, can I go to Tony's house after school today?"

"Why don't you ask me?" Mike asked but Luke just waited for an answer.

"You can go, but dad is going to pick you up before dinner." And he left, Will now stumbling in. "What do you want Willy?"

"I want… po'age." He said and Mike understood he meant.

"Daddy can get you some breakfast." She said and he nodded, picking up their three year old.

"Hey, do you remember what today is Katie?" Mike asked, paused on the threshold of the door.

"What Mike, I'm trying to wash my hair."

"It's our eight year wedding anniversary today." He said and he closed the door, leaving a stunned Kate under the spray.

"I forgot." She said coming out of the bathroom in a towel robe, kissing her husband deeply. "I'm sorry honey."

"It's alright. Jenny is coming round to stay the weekend and you and I are going away."

"What? Seriously? How did you manage to keep this secret from me?"

"All the plans are on the ship. I've got to go aboard, sort out some crew reports, pick up out bookings and then my dear… I've cleared it with your CO; I'm picking you up at 5."

"But the kids…"

"It'll be our first child free weekend." Mike said, kissing her gently, seeing the shocked grin on her face. "So, Luke can't go to his friend's house, but other than that… we should be good to go."

"I have an amazing husband, do you know that kids?" she asked as the older boys came into the kitchen.

"I'll drop the kids off at school and preschool and I'll see you later honey." Mike said an hour later as Kate combed her hair into the tight knot she wore for work, and straightening the Lt. Commander stripes on her shoulders.

"I'm so sorry I forgot… I should have put it on the calendar…"

"Don't worry about it Katie; we've got all weekend." He said, kissing her deeply, Will pulling on his hand.

"Daddy, are we going? I want to go to school!" he demanded.

"Yeah buddy. Say good bye to mummy."

"Bye bye!" he said cheerfully and Kate watched all four of her boys leave a path of destruction behind them, heading out the door.


	27. Chapter 27

"I miss the boys already." Kate said that evening as Mike checked them into a hotel. "I've never had a night without them all."

"I know, but we'll be home before you know it. This weekend is just about us." He said, sweeping her up off her feet, carrying her up to their room.

"Michael, this is amazing." She said as he opened the door, letting her see the water front views. He put her on her feet, wrapping his arms around her waist and kissing the back of her neck.

"Happy anniversary Katie. I love you just as much as ever." And she turned in his arms, kissing him deeply.

"Hang on, I think I have a gift for you after all." And Mike sat down on the bed as Kate grabbed her bag, disappearing into the bathroom.

She came out ten minutes later in just her underwear, clearly having scoured her bag to see if Mike had packed any lingerie, displeased when she found he hadn't.

"I would have dressed up for you…" she said, pushing Mike down on the bed, crawling over top of him.

"Never more sexy than when it's just you." He insisted, pulling his shirt over his head, Kate falling into his arms. She raked her nails over his back, leaving long red welt marks and Mike hissed, sitting them up making Kate straddle his hips. He unclipped her bra and trailed his hands down her still slender waist, even after three pregnancies and her bra fell free. She grabbed his hand and put it against her breast, feeling the roughness of his hands against the smoothness of her skin.

"Do you have any condoms?" Kate asked as she undid his trousers, the pill never having worked on her as they found out when she fell pregnant with Will, grinding her hips against him though and he nodded, grabbing her hands though.

"I wonder though…" he said as he reached for a box in the bag, putting it on the bedside table. "You always wanted a little girl Katie."

"Are you serious? You want us to have another baby?" she said, sitting back, climbing off him. "Michael, I'm forty years old! Alex is eleven years old already, and we just got Will out of nappies! You really want to do that all again?"

"You really want to tell me you don't? You look the most beautiful… the best when you're with the kids…"

"You really want another baby?"

"We can try Katie, can't we? I mean, we're doing so good, why not try again?"

"Michael…" she said uncertain and Mike cupped her face.

"A little girl, with your blonde hair and smile. And those eyes Kate… those eyes that I get lost in every time I see you. A little baby girl to spoil and be protected by her big brothers and scare the hell out of us when she's a teenager." Mike said softly. Kate had a few tears in her eyes and she brushed them away, kissing her husband deeply.

"There's no guarantee that we'd have a girl. You've got a good track record with boys."

"I'm feeling lucky." He smiled, knowing Kate wanted this as much as he did and she wrapped her arms around his neck, shuffling closer again.

Mike kicked his pants free as Kate rolled under him, comfortable in his domination.

"I still think you're crazy you know." She said as he disposed of their underwear, grinning just as their sons did.

"Only as crazy as my beautiful wife." He said and he slid quickly inside her, catching Kate off guard and she moaned, searching his lips out, falling against the pillows.

He held the burning heat inside her body, feeling her seer his manhood and clench around him. Mike was always shocked every time he made love to his wife, surprised to find her so tight after giving birth to three kids and he sucked a purple hickey on her neck.

"For the love of god Michael, MOVE!" she ordered and he grabbed her upper thighs, thrusting roughly, eliciting a primal moan. She held her arms tightly around his back as he thrust back and forward inside her, crying into his mouth in ecstasy.

Kate enveloped herself in him, completely handing her body over as Mike grabbed her hip with one hand, both of them beginning to buck uncontrollably. He nuzzled his way down her neck, down to her breasts and took one hard peak into his mouth, suckling her, nibbling gently before swapping to the other side. She screamed; his name ad the pleasure of his touch and began to convulse as if from a seizure, only making her husband move faster, deeper…

"Katie; my girl…" he said as her eyes clouded over and he exploded inside her, the hot seed filling her body.


	28. Chapter 28

"I told you." Mike said beaming as they looked at the ultrasound six months later, seeing the familiar outline of their baby. "I told you we'd have a girl this time." And Kate smiled broadly, putting her hand over the top of her belly.

"She's healthy?" Kate asked her OB and nodded, putting the ultrasound down.

"You've got a nack to producing healthy kids Kate. I got the amnio results too; no Downs Syndrome or any other age related mutations. She's perfect." The doctor said. "What are your boys going to say when they find out they're going to have a sister?"

"Who knows." Mike said kissing her brow, the two of them getting ready to leave.

"Any thing you want to do this afternoon then Katie? Before we pick up the boys?" he asked as the two of them walked out of the surgery.

"Buy some pink baby clothes maybe?" she asked and they crossed the road to a store. "This girl is never going to survive high school is she; not with three older brothers and you looking out for her."

"Probably not." He concurred, opening the door, the pair of them running into another couple instantly. "Bomber?" and Kate looked up, surprised to see their old shipmate there.

"What are you doing here?" Kate asked, embracing the younger woman.

"Just shopping for my brother; he and his wife are pregnant. And you? You're having another kid? Sir?" she added as the man beside her put a hand on her shoulder. "Oh sorry; this is my fiancé, Bret Kirk; Bret, this is Commander Mike Flynn and Lt. Kate Flynn. I served under them on HMAS Hamersley." She smiled.

"Nice to meet you." Mike said, shaking his hand.

"So, you're having another baby ma'am? Isn't Alex almost a teenager?"

"You've missed a couple in there. We've also got Luke now, he's six and Will, three. And Alex is eleven now."

"Wow, congratulations." Bomber said grinning.

"You should come round for dinner. It would be great to catch up properly, and you can meet our other children." Kate said, scrawling their address down.

"We're free tomorrow night…" Bret said and she nodded.

"We'll see you there then." Kate grinned and the couple left, leaving Kate and Mike to shop for their next child.

"That was a blast from the past." Mike said as Kate picked up a little pink dress.

"Yeah." She agreed, grabbing a set of pink sheets.

"And I'm detecting a theme here." He said, Kate handing a host of pink and purple items to him.

"You said it yourself honey; a little girl to spoil." She insisted and Mike groaned, his experiences wife, loving the task of shopping.

"Are you still navy Bomber?" Kate asked as she put a salad on the table, Mike talking to Bret at the barbeque that evening.

"No, I left two years ago. Bret and I started up a little restaurant about six months ago. He's managing it and I'm head chef."

"Wow, you should leave the details and we'll come eat there at some stage."

"I'd like that ma'am, and it's a kid friendly place too."

"Rebecca, you're out of the navy; you don't have to sir and ma'am us." She said laughing a little, sitting down, waiting for the boys to finish. "So when's your wedding?"

"It's next month; you and Mike should come, it's just on the beach." Bomber said as Will walked over to his mother, tugging her shirt.

"Who's that mummy?" he asked, pointing and Kate smiled.

"That's Rebecca, mummy and daddy's friend. Can you say hello?"

"Hi." He said shyly, grabbing the loose fabric, trying to hide his face.

"It's ok, I don't bite." But Will just ran away, over to his brothers who were kicking a ball around the yard. "Your boys are amazing; and so much like Mike. Is this one a boy too?" and she nodded to her former boss' stomach.

"This one? No, we're having a girl this time; a nice change to have some more oestrogen in the house."

"I'll bet." She smiled, still watching the boys playing.

"Are you and Bret planning on having children?"

"Maybe… I'm not sold on it yet. I mean, it's a big step."

"Here," Kate said and she took the girl's hand.

"This is what makes it all worth it." She explained as Bomber felt the kicking of the unborn Flynn. "I wasn't sure I wanted kids when I was younger. I wanted command of a ship, to climb the ladder… now… I can't find the strength to do anything except fight for my kids. I don't think I could live any more without Mike, and my kids. They're my whole life, and when this little bub kicks, or when one of my boys smiles at me and tells me that they love me, it's enough for me."

"Really?" she said, still a little uncertain.

"It's not something you can understand till you have children; but once you do, it makes complete sense." And Bomber took her hand away as Bret and Mike walked over, calling the kids for dinner.


	29. Chapter 29

It was a little after nine on a Thursday evening when Kate got the call and she was grateful that the kids were already in bed asleep. Tears ran down her cheeks as she got up from the couch, walking from room to room, seeing her sons sleeping soundly in their beds, her daughter long since asleep in the middle of Kate's bed. Her world was crashing down around her and it felt like she was in a bad dream, waiting for the moment when she would wake up, when someone would tell her that this was all a terrible nightmare. The men in her living room sat with stony faces, sombre for the occasion and the chaplain's crucifix glinted in the half-light.

"How did it happen?" Kate asked, leaning against the doorframe for support, still not entirely believing what they were telling her.

"There was a mortar explosion as they resupplied at Christmas Island. Commander Flynn received a shrapnel wound to his chest and despite the efforts of the medical team onboard HMAS Perth, they were unable to save his life."

"This has to be a joke… some sort of perverted joke." She said trying to wipe tears away.

"His body is aboard HMAS Perth still and they are steaming home at top speed." The chaplain said quietly.

"Were… were there any other casualties?"

"No ma'am. It was only Commander Flynn. According to Lt. Caetano, he pushed two others out of the way and saved their lives in the process." And Kate sank to the ground, weeping in earnest.

"Mrs Flynn?" the grief officer said and it gave Kate another pang to know that she wasn't even part of the navy family anymore, having changed to an inactive reserve instead of her maternity leave a year ago. "Can we do anything for you? For your children?"

"You can tell me this is a lie!" she said desperately and they shook their heads. There was a cry from her bedroom and she knew that Sophie had woken up from her desperate cries and got up to get her, coming back out and cradling her against her chest.

"Ma'am, there is going to be a lot of publicity about your husband's death. We're willing to stay here though to ward off the media and stall any questions, anything you need."

"I don't know what I need." She said as her daughter clung to her, sensing her mother's distress.

"I ah… I have to call Michael's parents… his brothers and sister…" Kate said an hour or so later after sitting in still silence.

"We can call them for you, or arrange for someone to visit them." The grief officer said.

"They live in Port Douglass… but they'll be sleeping now…" she said still holding her sleeping daughter.

"We'll arrange for someone to see them in the morning then Mrs Flynn, and we can follow up with Commander Flynn's siblings at daybreak."

"When is the ship due in port?"

"She's due in at 2200 hours tonight." And Kate leaned back in the chair.

"God… how do I tell my children…" and fresh hot tears trickled down her face.


	30. Chapter 30

Kate dressed her sons in black, all three of them tear stained, clinging to her as they watched the huge ship sail slowly into port. Sophie was confused, not understanding what was happening, trying to get her mother's attention but Kate was blind to everything but the flag at half-mast, bringing home the fallen warrior.

"Mummy… can we see daddy?" Luke asked and she choked a little, almost collapsing from exhaustion; emotional and physical.

"I don't know honey." She said honestly as someone put a hand on her shoulder, guiding her back to a bench, all five of them sitting down.

"Why is he dead mummy?" Alex asked and Kate put her hand on the top of his head.

"There was an accident…" she said slowly, knowing that saying too much might upset her kids even more. "and he got hurt. They tried to help him in the hospital on the ship, but he was hurt too badly."

"Was he in pain?" her eldest asked and Kate shook her head.

"I'm sure he wasn't honey." And she put her arms around all of them, Sophie clinging to her neck, her sons, leaning against her.

"Mrs Flynn?" the chaplain said as the ship finally berthed and she stood up, her sons following her to where the gangplank was. The sailors were filing off, forming a guard of honour and more tears rolled down Kate's face as she finally saw Lt. Walters and Dutchy carrying a body bag with a flag draped over it, honouring the hero.

"Stop." She said as they put him on the gurney, the soldiers saluting him and they froze in the act of putting Mike's body into the van.

Kate put Sophie down and she started crying but she ignored her, folding back the flag and unzipping the body bag. She peeled it back and saw her husband's pale, lifeless face staring back. She ran her hand over his smooth cheek, feeling his icy skin and she leaned down, pressing her lips against his cheek. Kate collapsed a little against him, her arms flying over his body, as if shielding the sight wouldn't make it real for her children. Sophie screamed louder and Alex picked her up, Will beginning to cry too but still Kate ignored them, lost in her own sorrow.

"Kate?" and she looked up, seeing Niki who had become Mike's XO on this new ship. "Kate, they've got to take him away… but I think the boys want to see him."

"Later." And Kate stood up, staggering backwards from the gurney. She took Sophie from her son's arms as Niki sealed the body bag again and respectfully draped the flag back, her eyes a little red and then stood back, saluting her captain along with the rest of the crew.

"Mummy?" Luke said and they looked up at her for direction. "I want to see daddy…"

"Soon; I promise." She said and yet her eyes didn't leave the van as the doors closed and they took his body away. "Come on boys." And they followed her to the navy car, climbing inside, Kate directing the driver to follow Mike where ever he went.

None of the boys were calm as they saw their father's body, laid out for them in the hospital morgue.

"He just looks like he's sleeping mummy." Will said and Kate nodded, watching Alex try and hold himself together, Luke to scared to see his father.

"Hi boys." Came the voice and Kate looked up, seeing Niki there. "Kate…I'm so sorry…"

"Can you… can you take them home for me? I want to stay here… for a while…" she whispered and Niki nodded, taking Sophie from her arms.

"Come on boys, I'll get you some dinner. What's your favourite?" she asked through her own sadness, putting on a brave face for the young kids.

"Daddy liked Thai food." Alex said quietly and Niki tried not to cry.

"Boys, Aunty Niki is going to take you home. I'll come soon." She promised.

"I want to stay with you mummy!" Luke said and he clung to her legs.

"Yeah mummy…" Will said and both of them desperately held onto her.

"Why don't we wait outside for a moment then." Niki suggested and Kate nodded.

"Please boys, go outside for just a minute. I'll be out soon." And she pushed the tearful boys out the door.

"Michael…" Kate said, her tears splashing down onto his chest as she walked over, picking up his cold hand. "How am I going to do this all without you? How am I going to go on without you? You promised me that you would always come home safely… we're a family Michael." And suddenly she realised that there was bitter anger in her words. Guilt racked through her body and she collapsed against the corpse, pressing her lips against the blue ones. "I won't survive without you Michael…" and she pulled away, putting her hand over his heart. "I'll try… I'll look after Alex and Luke and Will… and Sophie… god, Michael, she doesn't even know you." And she turned back to see her children watching her through the glass door. "I'll make sure she knows who you are… I'll make sure the boys know who you are as men…" and she forcefully pushed her tears aside. "I love you Michael." And she forced herself to turn, leaving the shell of her husband behind.

"Was Mike conscious before he died?" Kate asked late that night, once the boys had gone to bed and Kate was feeding Sophie in the couch.

"Kate, don't torture yourself like this." Niki said, squeezing her hand.

"Please, I have to know…"

"No Kate, he never did. The doc told me he was knocked unconscious by the blast and he never woke up." She comforted, picking up the empty bottle that Sophie dropped and putting it down on the coffee table. "I'm sure he was thinking of you and the kids though. I'm sure of it."

"I don't know how we're going to survive without him." She said leaning back, looking at their family photo, proudly displayed above the dining table.

"Come on Kate." Niki said half an hour later, taking the sleeping one year old and putting her in her crib. She walked back to the living room and saw Kate sitting catatonically, staring into space. She guided the broken woman to her bedroom, laid her down on the bed and watched as Kate instinctively grabbed Mike's pillow, hugging it tightly in lieu of him. "Get some sleep, your children need you… and I'm going to stay here as long as you need." She promised, brushing her hair back.

"Michael…" she whispered to the night and Niki closed the door, the misery in the house, seeping into every corner.


	31. Chapter 31

"Kate, you have to eat something." Jane said as she sat beside her daughter-in-law on her bed, all four kids curled around her.

"I'm not hungry." She said, barely able to sit up.

"Please Kate, Niki said you haven't eaten in three days…" she said, stroking Luke's sleeping head.

"I can't eat… I just can't." she said slipping off the bed, leaving her kids asleep there.

"Come on Kate, you're all the boys and Sophie have left. They need you to be strong…" and she slowly took a piece of toast from her, taking a small bite and putting it back down. She walked over to the window and sat down, on the window seat, next to a box that Niki had brought over of some of the personal items in Mike's cabin.

Jane called Colin in and one by one they carried all the children out, back to their own rooms as Kate opened the box, seeing what was inside. There was a framed photo of her and Mike on the very top, one of their boys beside it. She saw the picture of Mike holding their daughter and fresh tears ran down her face. There was an envelope and Kate picked it up, reading what was on the front.

_To my dearest Katie, to be opened only in the event of my death._ It read and Kate let out an audible sob, knowing he had prepared for this event, how ever unlikely it had been. Slowly she opened it, knowing it was making his death real and she pulled the papers out, reading his neat scrawl, knowing the love that had crossed the pages.

_My dear, my darling, my Katie,_

_I have started this letter a thousand times, written a new one after the birth of all of our children and before every long assignment, and it never seems right to put pen to paper. But I know there are things I want said, things I want to make sure you remember, long after I'm gone. I wish there was no reason to write this, but our kids are so young and if anything happens to me… honestly Katie, I hope you never have to read this letter. _

_The day I met you I knew my life was changing from that moment. You caught my eye in that shore course and I was hooked. Did you know that since that day, you've been the only woman in my life? Even after we drifted apart, there was no-one that I wanted to be with more. Since that day, nearly twenty years ago, you've been my world._

_I'm writing this letter today while you sleep in your hospital bed, our newborn daughter Sophie cooing gently. The boys are asleep in the room too; you've been in labour for 37 hours, all of them wanting to be awake to see her and they're exhausted. As I look around at our family, I can't help but think how blessed we are, lucky to have such amazing children, me, so lucky to have you by my side. I really did hit the jackpot when I met you and let me say now, how much I love and cherish and miss you always._

_Since you're reading this, I know it means that I'm no longer a part of this world and I'm sorry I'm leaving you alone with our boys and little girl. I wish I wasn't and if I could have anything, it would be to be there beside you, holding you in my arms, kissing you gently. I know you and I know that me being gone is tearing you apart. I need you to be strong Katie, for our boys and for our baby girl. Don't weep for me; don't lock yourself away from the world and live in my past. You need to be the rock you have always been for our family, the constant comfort for our children. I need you to… there is no way to put into words what I know you now have to do, but you've been doing it ever since we had Alex. _

_ I love you all and I know it's going to be hard, but I want you to tell the boys some things for me now, and Sophie too… things they should never have to hear at their ages but I want them to hear words of comfort from me. Firstly tell them that I love them, every day. Whenever they're sad or on special days, I want to remind them that I love them, so very much. Tell them when they graduate school and university, when their hearts get broken and when they get married or have children themselves. Tell them all the time for me, and tell yourself that too. I love you Katie; you are my world. _

_ Tell our son for me, Alexander that he's becoming a man. Teach him to respect his friends and to always respect women. I want him to help look after his brothers and sisters but don't let him step into my shoes. He's still a boy and he needs to be a teenager; be a child before he becomes an adult. I want you to promise me that much for him. Alex needs to remember that… he needs to be a child. Tell him I wish I was there, teaching him to throw a perfect pass for rugby, and how to kick a penalty goal. Tell him to keep his elbow bent and he'll know what I mean… and tell him to reach for the stars._

_ For Luke, tell him that he'll be tall one day; I know that worries him and tell him if he works at it, he'll have muscles too. Remind him that I always tell him to listen to you, cause I know he's headstrong like both of us and teach him how to get along with his brothers; something we've been working towards. _

_ William needs to know me too and I want him to remember me; as hard as it will be considering he is so young. Teach him the ABC song that I used to teach the older boys their alphabet and the other song I used to teach them to tie their shoes; I don't want him to miss out on things that his brothers had the privilege of learning from me, however bad my singing was. _

_ And our little Sophie who was only born today… she is our angel and I want her to know who I am. Chase boys away from her for me and give our princess away at her wedding. Tell her about me please, Katie… I want her to grow up with memories, even if they are only what you tell her of me._

_ Katie, I'm sorry I've left you all alone with our children but it was never my intention. If I had my way, I would be growing old with you; teasing you about grey hair and false teeth, watching our kids grow up, grandkids, those old people cruises… I hope that somewhere in side you Kate, you'll find the strength to still do these things, with someone else too. _

_I don't want you to live in the past Katie, no matter how much I love you. Our marriage was always all about moving forward and I still want you to do that. Make sure our children have someone to be a father to them, to love them like I would and help turn them into the amazing adults I know they will become. Find hope; find love again. You will never hurt my memory by moving on once I'm gone for I will always love you, and that will never change, but ghosts cannot walk among the living._

_Katie, I've left everything in my name to you; including the trust fund my grandparents gave me. Its more than enough for our kids and anything they need in years to come and for you as well. Take care of them, for me and I'll look down on you from where ever it is I go to next, keeping you safe for the rest of your lives. I know you'll join me here one day but I hope it isn't for many years and when you do… I'm already waiting._

_I love you Katie and once again I wish you never had to had read this. I'll miss you and I'll always be with you in one way or another._

_All my love, in life and death,_

_ Michael._

Kate put the letter down and looked out the window. A peace had settled over her as she read and she stood up, walking out into the empty kitchen, picking up a piece of fruit left over from the kid's dinner.

"Kate?" Colin said and she looked up, seeing the old man standing there, looking so much like her husband. "Are you alright?"

"I found a letter Michael wrote…" she said sniffing lightly. "He said he wrote one after every birth or assignment, just in case… though this time…"

"Do you think you might be ready now to start planning a funeral?" he said slowly and she nodded. "I miss him too Kate." And for the first time she recognised the fact that it wasn't just her grief, her distress. Colin had lost his son too. "Come on. You need to say goodbye to him." And he guided Kate out into the living room where the Navy chaplain was seated again, willing to help the only sailor lost in Australia this year.

She folded her arms as she watched the sun disappear behind the horizon, tears rolling down her cheeks. There was so much left unsaid, so much living left to do and now there was no opportunity for them to do so. Kate pushed her dishevelled hair off her face, her tear stained cheeks stinging a little with the salty spray coming off the ocean blue. The hull cut through the sea like a knife, slicing it in two as they sailed home, carrying with them misery and sorrow; hardly the best return the ship had ever seen. Slowly, she walked to the bow and watched as the stars began to speckle the sky, the silence around her, echoing her despair. The men around her didn't say a word, knowing that she wanted her silence, her solidarity, but even they couldn't stop the child crawling clumsily over and putting her small arms around her knees.

The sailors were snapped to attention as the chaplain spoke empty words about her husband. They all knew him and yet didn't at the same time and all Kate wanted to do was to throw herself over board, for the suffering to end. She knew she couldn't though. She read Mike's letter ever night before she went to sleep and it told her to have courage; for her kids… for herself.

"We now commend Commander Michael Flynn, captain of this ship, son, brother, father, husband and friend, to the sea. May his soul find peace." The chaplain said and Kate picked up her daughter, walking over to the railing, picking up the urn with her husband's ashes. Slowly she poured them over the side of the boat and Dutchy stepped forwars throwing a wreath over the side with it.

"Ma'am, we are all so sorry that we couldn't do more to help your husband." One unfamiliar sailor said stepping forward and she nodded, kissing Sophie's forehead. "We've left his cabin as it was too ma'am. I think it's important that you see it…" he trailed off and Kate waved him away. It was too much, all these people telling her that they were sorry and all she wanted to do was go home, but she would have to wait till the ship she was on docked some hours later.

"Mummy, can we go to daddy's room?" Will asked after god only knew how long and she nodded, leading him through the familiar passage to the small cabin Mike called home for so many days of the year.

There were photos of them, all around, stuck to the walls, the shelves and the roof of his rack. The drawings the kids had done in preschool and beyond were tacked up, as were the many father's day cards he got every year. Will crawled onto his father's bed instantly dropping off to sleep and she sighed, knowing the older boys would be exhausted too.

"There's no room mum." Alex said and a sailor knocked on the door.

"Ma'am, my cabing is at your disposal for anything you should need." He said without introduction. "Right next door." And Kate nodded as he turned and left.

She led Alex and Luke into the cabin, settling them both for sleep and then went back to tuck Will in, extracting Sophie from the tight grip she had around her neck and laying her down too.

"Kate?" came Niki's voice and she turned around, quietly walking over to her old friend and squeezing her tightly.

"I miss him so much Nik."

"I know. We all understand." She said softly, letting the mother break again on her shoulder. "But we're all here with you; your family will go on."


End file.
